Eating For The Olympics: A Short Guide

 

As you would know from news reports and echoing screams, the Olympics are on – the time to don the lycra, watch Cool Runnings (again) - and watch people who train everyday just so they can be a bit faster than everyone else. Here are some observations for enduring the burger rings golden rings.

 

They really like to build the anticipation at these events in an attempt to build suspense in the lead up to any actual sports. The presenter says something incredibly profound, such as “Korea” or “Jamaica” and the rent-a-crowd goes bat shit. They produce screams at a pitch and volume that defies imagination, and whip out little plastic flags from nowhere and wave them to dizzying effect while the athletes perform a bizarre physical maneuver of jogging on the spot and waving while wearing truly ugly outfits. This is the ideal time for collecting snacks, updating your Facebook status, or meeting a few mates for dinner. It’ll still be on when you get home.

 

This is a big-ass clock in the middle of ye-olde London town, not a big-ass pie. Sad. 

 

The games happen to be on during the Islamic holy month of Ramadan and with around 3000 Muslims competing, that is One. Tough. Gig. Having completed the 40-hour famine (twice!), coupled with my female propensity for fasting, and superior athletic prowess, I feel that I am well-placed to sympathise with the athletes on this one. Barley sugar is your friend. Until it’s not.

 

We can all do our bit to soldier on with our mighty Olympians when it comes to carbing it up - hell as soon as I get a whiff of the games I start mainlining spaghetti bolognese before moving to my favourite training spot – the couch – where I move my legs and arms slowly, visualizing the race from current position to dessert, toilet, and bed (not necessarily in that order).

 

Sad but true. Swimming pools are a haven for two types: the goggle-clad who thrash out monotonous lengths, and the flowery-capped who perform gentle, synchronized, aerobic-type twists in a cordoned-off area of water. Floundering in the shallows like a wounded seal is not an Olympic event, sadly, although I dare say it should be - that kind of feat of endurance would be far more fun to watch.