So, you’re poor. Me too. Those flingin’ flangin’ avocado toasts and turmeric lattes are doing an excellent job of keeping your bank balance lower than shawty with the apple bottom jeans. But being broke AF doesn’t need to mean you can’t live it large (or medium). You go, baller. Do you.
And if you’re not exactly a budget baller, here are some nifty tips on keeping your wallet happy while fooling everyone into thinking you’ve got your life together.
- You keep a bank of photos of past meals to ‘gram, when you’re really tucking into a bowl of stale Weet-Bix and semi-sour milk.
- You sneak bottles of rosé into the pub and sneakily fill it up after downing your first glass of the cheap house white.
- Off-brand is your thing. You’re dressed head-to-toe in Dadidas and Fella McCartney.
- You can’t live without your beats, but Spotify Premium is simply off limits, so you’ve taken to singing along to the Bupa ad every four songs.
- You pay for cocktails in 5-cent coins, and chuck in a few extra if the ‘tender is cute.
- You still use your ex’s Netflix account, but use the kids one to cover your tracks.
- You throw raging parties on payday, and then survive off the leftover alcohol for the following three weeks.
- You’ve perfected the art of walking around Woollies or Coles for three hours to stock up on free samples.
- The same goes for open days or student events at uni, where the free pizza is worth the hour-long sales pitch.
- You’ve literally been the first person in the door at Kmart when they release new home wares.
- You’ve signed up to UberEats and Deliveroo with a long list of fake email addresses, so you can use a new discount code every time.
- You get to clothes markets at 7am and rifle through the bags before they’re even on the rack.
- You’ve mastered the art of hiding the tag on your clothes, or carefully reattaching it once you’ve worn it once, so you can return.
- People have come to expect vouchers for hugs, or maybe some homemade cookies as gifts from you.
- The phrase ‘lady on the street, but a freak at the buffet’ is your life.
- You swing by your local supermarket just before closing time to score some freebies they were about to chuck.
- On that note, you’ve programmed your stomach to get hungry later, so you can nab one of the $2 leftover fried rice boxes from the Chinese place in the food court.
- You don’t complain about the movies being expensive any more, because there’s a secret compartment in your bag for snacks, and you’ve perfected the art of sneaking into another cinema for another movie.
- You have this sofa in your lounge.
Got some spare cash lying around? You might make your way through every damn one of these bacon dishes.
Image credit: Fabian Blank Unsplash