20 Things Only Mayo Haters Understand

By Natasha Van Der Laan
31st May 2017

20 Things Only Mayo Haters Understand

Guys, we need to talk about Kevin mayonnaise. We’ve been silent for far too long and enough is enough. Forget Donald Trump, it’s mayo that’s ruining the world. One. precious. sandwich. at. a. time. If you can’t stand the disgusting white sludge yourself (we understand), here are all things only mayo haters understand.

  1. Mayonnaise is made from uncooked egg yolks and oil. Translation: mayo is raw, greasy eggs.
  2. It’s basically egg sauce. Egg sauce should not be a thing.
  3. …Which, in your mind, is essentially a recipe for salmonella.
  4. There’s no denying it looks like ‘you know what’.
  5. It ruins ALL the foods. Sandwiches, salads, burgers…
  6. Coleslaw is the worst salad of them all. Mayo + vinegar + cabbage. How is this a socially acceptable salad?!
  7. And then there’s potato salad. Mushy, boiled potatoes swimming in the devil’s sauce.
  8. While we’re on the topic of potatoes, why ruin perfectly good fries with mayo? Why oh whyyy?!
  9. Like, seriously, even the sight of a fry with a dollop of mayo makes you shudder with fear.
  10. You’re a regular on I Hate Mayonnaise Facebook page—united we stand.
  11. It’s like banging into your dreaded ex. Mayo—and your ex-boyfriend—constantly show up in places they shouldn’t be, catching you totally off-guard and disgusted.
  12. The sauce aisle at the supermarket is a minefield. The jars upon jars of white gloop make you feel squeamish.
  13. Waiters don’t even try to hide their annoyance when you ask for no mayo.
  14. Your friends support you by saying “just wipe it off”. You will NOT. The damage is already done.
  15. In your opinion, aioli is mayo’s evil twin sister with a dash of garlic.
  16. Don’t even get you started on sour fucking cream.
  17. Office lunches are fun and games until a mayo-laden pizza shows up.
  18. There are countless condiments that are both tastier and healthier. We’re talking hummus, smashed avo or even a humble tomato sauce.
  19. Any food that comes available in a 1kg tub is surely not a good thing.
  20. mayNO.

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