26 Thoughts We Had During Episode 29 Of Love Island

With the end of this epic clusterf*ck well and truly in sight, and Millie safe back home on Australian soil, there’s very little to start punch-ups over in the villa at the moment. But Grant and Eden will have a jolly crack, don’t you bloody worry. Now, only four couples and half a dozen feral cats remain within the walls of our favourite Spanish love prison, and with a strong forecast of ‘honestly, f*cking hell Grant, can you just be an adult for like one freaking second’ in the air, it’s looking like another wildly frustrating night in the villa.

Here are 26 thoughts we had during last night’s episode of Love Island.

1. The episode resumes with Grant having another epiphany over one of the defected pool lights in the backyard.
2. Everyone’s gathered in the outdoor kitchen, pashing and making barbecue sauce sandwiches while Erin hand feeds Barbecue Shapes to a feral cat and praises herself for her strong maternal instincts.
3. Grant then nicks a bunch of tea lights and drags Tayla up the stairs blindfolded and with twice-dislocated ankles to show her a bowl of grapes he ‘cooked himself’, much like that video Taylor Swift made of herself ~selflessly~ surprising fans with wrapped copies of her own headshot.
4. Downstairs, Shelby still has a sneaking suspicion that Dom is a vile sociopath, but is happy to put that aside because Dom just brought her a glass of water without asking.
5. The sun then rises over the villa and Dom tries to take advantage of the convenient natural romance to try and stick his meat flap down Shelby’s throat.
6. Over on the grassy knoll, Grant and Tayla gush over that the fact then if they can make it through six weeks in a tropical paradise with a squad of chefs and maids at their beck and call, then they can survive anything.
7. Apparently with no Millie left in the villa, the producers have to lean on ‘romance’ to recapture the viewers from the World Cup and have decided to send each of the couples to remote locations scattered around the crew car park in order to talk about their feelings.
8. After a heartfelt apology of ‘sorry not sorry you fat mole’, Dom pulls a random donkey out from behind a fountain and hand feeds it Doritos while Shelby swoons and declares it the best date of her life.
9. Both of them then kiss it on the mouth and rack off back to the villa to fondle each other’s bits.
10. Outside in the pool, Erin tells Eden that if she finds a single toaster-filtered photo on his Instagram, he can f*ck right off back to jail.
11. It’s then Amelia and Josh’s turn to experience pre-constructed romance falsely credited to the male suitor.
12. Elbow deep in Coronas, she tells him how much her parents will probably hate him but her Jack Russell, Kevin, is SUPER friendly.
13. Josh then leads her in a slow macarena while whispering his favourite Shrek 2 quotes in her ear.
14. Back at the villa, the couples are putting themselves through self-inflicted torture by playing the newlyweds game.
15. Eden correctly guesses Erin’s cat’s name and the two declare each other soulmates.
16. Dom and Shelby don’t know sh*t about each other but no cares because there’s no way their relationship isn’t going to end up on @tindernightmares.
17. It’s then time for Eden and Erin to share a bowl of chips with a donkey in the neighbour’s barn.
18. After chopping up a few lemons, which Eden mispronounces as ‘avocados’, the two of them cheers to having identical melanomas on their collarbones and foreheads.
19. Eden then makes a little speech about how much he loves her when she’s mad, and how he promises to make her p*ssed as hell for the rest of her life.
20. Dom then gets a text telling the boys to get their kits off for a cheeky life drawing sesh which the boys, yet again, interpret as another opportunity to crossdress.
21. For some reason, Dom starts massaging tomato sauce into his shoulders and cupping his goolies with a coconut.
22. It’s then time for Grant and Tayla to hit the water in a beat-up canoe and make more unsubstantiated claims about the strength of their relationship.
23. At this point, Sophie is still three days deep into a Canadian Club coma and so tonight’s couple dumping happens via a string of cryptic text messages.
24. Josh and Amelia get the greenlight from Australia to keep sucking face on their tellies.
25. Tayla and Grant are next to get the nod from the public, and somewhere Cassidy has just put her fist through a hotel wall.
26. And then last is Eden and Erin, which means Dom can finally get the root and boot he always dreamed of before shamelessly casting Shelby aside and telling the Daily Mail she lied about being terminally ill to steal his identity and entire life savings of $17.

Image credit: Love Island