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#1 Clicking your fingers.
#2 Writing an imaginary cheque in the air, accompanied with indignant eyebrows and an impatient twitch.
#3 Ordering coffee that’s more than five words long.
#4 Ordering coffee with stupidly specific fractions like a quarter of a teaspoon and a third of a shot.
#5 Ordering an “extremely” dry cappuccino. It’s an adult babyccino.
#6 Checking if something is decaf, for the fifth time.
#7 Talking on the phone while you order.
#8 Texting on the phone while you order.
#9 Just anything phone related, thanks.
#10 Specifically calling us over to order, only to decide that your entire table doesn’t actually know what they want and making us wait there like a smiling twit until you decide.
#11 Not letting us leave and “come back in a few minutes” while you get your life in order.
#12 Asking us to turn the music down/off. IT’S OUR ONLY SOURCE OF HAPPINESS ALRIGHT?
#13 Complaining about the lack of vegan/vegetarian/healthy options.
#14 Complaining about the lack of burger/fries/milkshake options.
#15 Asking us to check with the chef.
#16 Double-checking that we checked with the chef (hint: we probably didn’t).
#17 Asking to make 17 changes to a dish.
#18 Especially when the menu states “no changes”.
#19 Making a fuss because you can’t make said 17 changes.
#20 Making changes to a dish and then complaining about the taste.
#21 Letting your children run free like wild rats.
#22 Letting your children crawl on the floor.
#23 Bringing unruly children.
#24 Asking where your food is after five minutes, then proceeding to follow up in ten-minute intervals.
#25 Stacking your empty plates. We know you’re just trying to be helpful, but it actually makes clearing your table about three times more difficult.
#26 Asking for recipes. No, you can’t have them.
#27 Asking for something while we're partway through carrying another table’s food order.
#28 Staying for more than two hours when you’ve only ordered a coffee.
#29 Staying for ages, when there’s clearly people waiting.
#30 Staying past closing time. When we say that “it’s alright” we’re being friendly because we have to.
#31 Asking to split the bill seven ways.
#32 Placing your cash/card on the counter when our hand is already out, like we're some kind of infectious being.
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Image credit: My Big Fat Greek Wedding.