7 Couples You’ll Definitely See This Valentine’s Day

By Ben Phillips.
13th Feb 2017

valentines day couples

The greatest couples in history are not Antony & Cleopatra, Romeo & Juliet or Cathy & Heathcliff. No, they are hot chips & chicken salt, smashed avo & feta, Milo & ice cream. 

On the 14th of February, Valentine’s Day, you will encounter a variety of couples, albeit less tasty, trying their best to get this very tricky day right. 

Here are seven couples guaranteed to come out of the wood work thanks to Cupid’s arrow. 

The Fakers

We all know a couple that might actually hate each other, yet fork out for extravagant gifts on occasions such as Valentine’s Day. They ruin BBQs, birthdays and nights out on the town with their incessant bickering, which, after a few too many cocktails can lead to screaming matches in the street waiting for a taxi. Then, just a day or so later, you see a post on Facebook of Damian hand-delivering two-hundred roses to Jackie’s work for Valentine’s Day. Give me a break. 

The Too Cool Couples

“Pffft, I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. It’s a made-up day just like Mothers Day, Fathers Day and Christmas. You know I’m pretty sure Coca-Cola invented Santa Claus,” moaned Alex as he creates a playlist of every song that didn’t make the Hottest 100 for his girlfriend Ramona. Because, lets face it, the top 100 is just too mainstream for some. 

The Show-Offs

You have done your bit. A lovely home-cooked meal and your beloved’s favourite Netflix series ready to go as soon as they walk in the door. Yes, this will do. Now, just a nice relaxing scroll on instagram to pass the…. Ohhh you’ve got to be kidding me. He hasn’t has he? Your best mate has chartered a seaplane for him and his partner to a tropical island to enjoy a sunset banquet prepared by a Michelin-Star chef, while being serenaded by Darryl Braithwaite. That’s just ridiculous, how on earth can I compete with Horses?

The Non-Couples

At 2:00am on the 15th of February you will find single best friends in bars across Australia, arm in arm, cry-singing the Pussy Cat Dolls hit ‘I don’t need a man’.


The beginning of a relationship can be awkward at the best of times, let alone throwing an occasion like Valentine’s Day into the mix just two weeks in. You will find this couple at dinner, not at a fine-dining restaurant, no, that would be weird; but rather at a medium-priced establishment exchanging average-priced gifts. The day will be spent walking the line between being affectionate, but not too affectionate as to come across as needy this early in the game. 

Long-Distance Couples

In bedrooms across Australia, couples in long distance relationships will pour a glass of red, break open the Dairy Milk and try to convince themselves for an hour or two their relationship is the one-in-a-million relationship that will survive the ten-thousand kilometres of separation. LOL.

The Not Sure If A Couple, Couples

This couple will tentatively schedule in a date on the 14th of February. The lead-up will involve cryptic texts from both parties trying to work out if they should buy the other a gift. A misread of the situation could lead to the dreaded question of, “what are we?”. 

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Image credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist

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