Horoscopes | Your Co(s)mic Week Ahead

There's no doubt about it...the universe has got it in for us this week. We must have upset some cosmic ju ju, because now we're paying the price. Except for you Saggitarians—seems you're the golden kids this week.

Let the stars wreak havoc on our lives, because we have some nek' level stuff in store this week. Bring it on. 

Aquarius

Awww yeah, it's treat yourself week for all you lil Aquarius’ out there. Pop those feet up, grab a hot choccy packed with ‘mellows and binge watch seven years’ worth of Grey’s Anatomy. Honey, you deserve it.

Pisces

Pisces…we need to talk. You’ve been driving everyone around you up the f*cking wall lately. Step back and centre yourself, because the world revolves around the sun, not you.

Aries

Check yourself before you wreck yourself, Aries. The risqué messages you’ve been sending have likely been screenshotted and with no doubt come back to bite you on that perky lil ass of yours. Be afraid…be very afraid.

Taurus

Hot damn…Taurus, you’re getting lucky this week. Is it a new job? A tinder match? Or are you going to ‘get lucky’? *winks* Might be time to get savvy and invest in a lottery ticket. 

Gemini

Take some advice from our dear friend Aretha Franklin, and show a little bit of R-E-S-P-E-C-T this week. You’ve been a little too big for your boots lately, Gems. Just dial it back a notch is all we’re asking.

Cancer

The universe is proud of you, Cancer. You’ve stepped out of your comfort zone and it’s really paying off. Change is hard, but you know what? You’re nailing it. You go, Glen Coco. 

Leo

It’s time to treat Bae this week, Leos. They’ve been there for you during thick and thin and they deserve a reward. Cook up a storm and conjure up a three-course meal to showcase your appreciation for your one and only.

Virgo

You’ve been working like an absolute dog lately, Virgo. This week let's slow things down. Wind those cortisol levels back and just chill out. Stress doesn’t look good on you.

Libra

Oh, Lordy. Libra, you’re all over the shop. It’s time to re-compose yourself and get your life back on track. Geezus. People at work are starting to gossip. 

Scorpio

You’re nearly there, Scorpio! Just push through a little longer. You may be wrecked now but it’s all going to pay off in the end. You got this, girl. Deadline is nearly done. 

Sagittarius

Luuuurve is in the air, or rather the stars. Sign up to E-harmony, Bumble, Grindr or just regular ole’ Tinder because The One is just a swipe away. Let’s hope you swipe right.

Capricorn

Work may be piling up, but remember to find time in your life for things that make you happy. Whip out that guitar and wind back with a good read...or just have a fat nap.

Image credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist