Horoscopes | Your Co(s)mic Week Ahead

By Allira Sher
16th Jul 2018


Congrats, guys! If you’re reading this then it means you’ve made it through all of the sh*t we predicted last week. Snaps for you. Still, the universe is a tricky one to read, and this week's not looking too fab for a lot of you (shock-horror).

Bubble bubble boil crystal balls and so on—here are you weekly predictions.


You’ve become quite the workaholic lately, Aquarius. Not by choice, we know. You just can’t seem to catch up with everything that needs to be done, and it’s beginning to take a toll. We think it’s time for a serious facemask, a long, hot bubble bath and a glass of wine. Make sure you find the time to relax this week, or we see a serious cold on your horizon.


Things are going very well for you atm, Pisces. We’re so proud. You’ve finally got your shit together (it’s about time). Your head is in a good place and your attitude towards work has become super positive. Remember that when you put out positive energy, the universe thrusts even more of it back your way. Keep it up, champ. We see many more smiles on your face this week.


You’ve got the lonely blues, Aries. You’re sick of spending Friday nights alone while your friends are with their SO. You just don’t understand why you haven’t found your person yet. Breathe. This week, we want you to know that loneliness is just a part of life. As soon as you find solace in your own company, and happiness in the person that you are by yourself, someone incredible will walk into your life (or at least incredibly attractive). 


Taurus, Taurus, Taurus. You’re a feisty little thing. It’s great to be passionate, but it’s dangerous to be aggressive. If you’re confronted with conflicts this week, or if something doesn’t go your way (particularly in your workplace), be mindful how you act. No one appreciates raised voices or eye-rolls. Horns away, bull.


Yes, Gem. Consuming one bottle of wine to yourself on a Tuesday night is probably not the greatest idea. Especially when you have work the next day. Your boss is gonna start noticing all of Beroccacca on your desk and the Gatorade in the bin. Check yo' self. 


It’s time to start focussing on yourself, Cancer. You put everyone else first. It’s one of your best traits, but it’s also starting to wear you down. If someone needs a shoulder this week, or even just a favour, feel free to tell them that you’re unavailable. Your own mental wellbeing is important too. Don’t drown yourself in everyone else’s problems.


Stop doubting yourself, Leo. You’re amazing. Just because you’ve missed out on one opportunity doesn’t mean nothing else will come. Ever heard the saying ‘nothing good ever came easy’? Put it into use. Ambition is key.


We know you’re poor, Virgo. But that doesn’t mean you can’t afford a night out with your friends every now and then. If you’re that worried about money, find yourself a job that pays you well. The people in your life are getting tired of you rejecting every offer to go out. We recommend babysitting. It’s good dosh and easy work…  


So, you’re trying to stop devouring two blocks of chocolate every night, but your cravings are just way too real. This is an issue for many of us, Libra. But as usual, we have a solution. They’re called ‘raw vegan brownies’. Save yourself some calories and whip up these bad boys. They’re healthy and delicious. Here’s the recipe.


This is your reminder to sign up to Love Island, Scorps. We told you to do it a couple of weeks ago and we’re not so sure you have. Look into it, you’ll thank us.


This week is all about life-cleansing, Sag. There are a few toxic people in your life atm (you know who they are) and we think it’s time for them to go. You’ll be less anxious and much happier without them hanging on your shoulders. Stand your ground and free yourself from negative energy.


You might be feeling a little overwhelmed with everything that is going on in your life rn, Cap. This week, when your mind won’t settle, we strongly recommend some exercise. Get out and pump some happy endorphins. It'll clear your head and you’ll be able to think better.

Image credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist

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