How Not To Be A Dick About Being Rejected

By Daniel Colasimone
20th Jun 2016

It’s a corn-fed cliché to paint women as the more fragile sex, but in reality there is nothing so delicate in the universe as the male psyche. The shattering of a man’s ego is the emotional equivalent of a giant star dying in space, doing its best to destroy everything around it before collapsing into dense blackness.

Women are seen as the hysterical half of humankind who are far more likely to lose their shit when things don’t go their way. The running joke everywhere, from inane advertisements to shitty TV sitcoms, is that the ladies are unpredictable, irrational and liable to FREAK THE HELL OUT if things don’t go their way, especially when it comes to relationships.

However, evidence would suggest it’s actually the guys who are less equipped emotionally to deal with the tricky rituals of courtship.

Rejection is something we blokes deal with particularly poorly. It’s probably time we learnt a few lessons on how to handle it. Maybe from the girls?

Let’s look at some ‘Dos and Don’ts’ when it comes to handling brush offs and break ups. Actually these are mostly just Don’ts. I asked some female people I met to help me with some of their most amusing (and horrifying) interactions with disgruntled blokes, and identified a few common traits of the jilted gentleman.

#1 Dudes Who Don’t Get Tinder

The whole essence of Tinder is that it’s a light and breezy way to date. You can sit there swiping through potential partners while you’re sitting at the bus stop, or waiting for the fucking Game of Thrones opening sequence to finish. The beauty of it is you can strike up a light and breezy conversation with someone then bail on it if it doesn’t catch your fancy. You can even have light and breezy sex with people and then move on with your life. Some fellas don’t really get this notion, though, and get REALLY IRRITATED if they are not engaged with.

Sirs, women have no obligation to strike up a conversation with you on Tinder. Believe it or not, they don’t even have to continue a convo with you after starting one. If she’s stopped talking to you, maybe it’s because she’s spending the day at the dog track, or has dropped her phone down a toilet or, maybe, she just can’t be bothered chatting with you anymore. Move on.

#2 The Guy Who Thinks He’s Dishing Out A Dignified Brush Off

There’s nothing like righteous indignation in the face of rejection. These are usually dished out in a school principal-like manner, with a few choice words of advice on how the naïve girl can improve her performance next time around. As though this bro doesn’t actually care that he’s been shut down, but is just doing a service for humanity in general by teaching this poor girl how to date better.

No man, you’ve been ditched. It hurts, I know. But lecturing the lady on the art of courtship is a pretty lame way of making yourself feel better.

#3 Old Mate Who Thinks He’s A Huge Catch And Can’t Fathom Why Anyone Would Disagree

This bloke ‘knows’ he’s made of the right stuff. If any girl in his dating sphere can’t grasp this really obvious concept, there must be something wrong with her, on many levels.

It kind of boggles the mind to think how he came to have such a high regard for himself in the first place, though, doesn’t it? Most of us, men and women alike, are wracked with self-doubt for the majority of the time. So these guys who somehow maintain a vision of themselves as godlike, highly desirable entities must have received some pretty deluxe pampering from their mothers when they were little. Either that or they’re on some bloody good meds.

#4 Love Is A War Of Attrition, Right?

According to my sources, some men truly believe that if a woman makes it clear she’s not interested, that is not a sign to stop wooing her. Oh no, it just means you have to play the long game; keep asking her out until she finally caves in and says yes. This may work in some of the creepier rom-coms, but in real life, ‘no’ tends to mean, well, ‘no’.

Paying court to a woman is not meant to resemble a mediaeval siege, believe it or not.

Even if you did enjoy 30 seconds of magic together on a sticky dancefloor four months ago, that doesn’t mean your bi-weekly 3am text messages are going to somehow tempt her to renew the romance, especially if she’s shown no interest since.

#5 Mr Rage Issues

The most common form of man-coping seems to be straight-up wrath. If a woman decides she doesn’t like him, there is a particular kind of chap who will respond with (primal) anger and (primary school) insults.

There’s actually very little to say to guys like this if they can’t already tell that their behaviour is comical and antisocial. But my advice would be, before replying to a woman who has rejected you, to first wait 24 hours. If, after this rage-pause, you still feel the desire to go on the attack, then think about how your mum would feel if she read your lunatic, offensive, woman-hating messages.

Still feel okay about sending them? That’s great news for the human race! It is highly unlikely that you will ever find a mate and reproduce, meaning your dysfunctional lineage will soon die out. Yay, evolution!

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