A moment’s silence for the ladies in the back who literally incubated us in their wombs for nine months and then spent eighteen years cooking spag bol and watching animated films about talking Labradors—you da real MVPs.
For those of you who aren’t aware, Mother’s Day is this Sunday, so if your mum lives interstate and you haven’t already sent her something in the mail then it’s not going to get there in time so you’ve already screwed up.
But for those of you who’ve still got a couple of days up your sleeve, we’ve put together a list of everything you shouldn’t get your mum this Mother’s Day if you actually love her and don’t want a sewing kit for your birthday this year.
#1 Cleaning Products
Even though she’s had them in her hands since the day you could lift the lid off a texta, it’s not because she likes cleaning, she just likes clean walls. Give the woman a break from Windex this Mother’s Day and get her something that won’t kill her if she drinks it.
#2 Dark Chocolate Lindt Balls
Are you insane? It’s milk or it’s nothing. You may as well give her a box of dirt.
#3 Miscellaneous Confectionary
Your mum deserves more than a box a Nerds that you picked up at the petrol station. Unless you’re the youngest child, in which case you can apparently get away with it well into your twenties.
#4 A Marked Down Bunch Of Lilies From Woolies
Does your mum buy you out-of-date chicken kievs for dinner? We didn’t think so.
#5 A Book That’s Clearly Already Been Read
Unless it’s one of the rare copies of Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone with a typo on page 53 worth up to $26,000—if it’s already got dog-eared pages, it doesn’t belong in wrapping paper on April 14.
#6 Lunch At A Fancy Restaurant That You Then Make Her Pay For
Though this is the oldest trick in the book, there’s a high chance that if you’re reading this, you’re over the age of eleven, which means you’ve probably done enough shifts at Maccas this month to afford lunch for two (plus if you have siblings you can split it).
#7 A Phone Call At 11:30pm
You’ve seen the Michael Hill ads on TV, you’ve heard the calls to nominate ‘Melbourne’s Best Mum’ on the radio and you’ve read this article—you know it’s Mother’s Day this weekend (and you know Mum goes to bed at 8:30pm) so set a reminder on your phone now to call her first thing when you wake up on Sunday, it’s the least you can do (especially if you did rowing at school as a child).
Want to read an article that’s actually helpful? Here’s some last minute gift ideas for your mum this mother’s day.
Want to take your mum to a ten-course confectionary inspired cake banquet this Sunday? Click here.
Image credit: Windex