Come at me with the pitchforks, Aussie friends: I’m here to explain why Oreos are better than Tim Tams. I get it, what do I know? I’m a bloody American. We voted Trump as our fiscal leader. But let’s talk about the important issue here—which is the classic and serious debate of Oreos versus Tim Tams.
I inhaled my first Tim Tam three months ago. And, TBH, it was mediocre. Yeah, yeah it melts in your mouth, whatever. But it’s like two chocolate cookies, chocolate filling, chocolate coating… I mean, come on people. Let’s spice it up a bit. It’s missing the balance that only a perfectly proportioned, cream-filled Oreo cookie can deliver.
Let’s jump right into it: Tim Tams lack dunkability. I’ll give you the Tim Tam Slam, but honestly, it doesn’t look as enjoyable as it sounds. I’d rather use a Twizzler as a straw to drink soda because THAT actually makes sense. And if you have the counter argument that Oreos are terrible for dunking because it’s circular and there’s the annoying problem of not being able to fit your hand into a slim glass of ice cold milk — we have a solution called The Dipr, which allows for optimal dunking capacity customized specifically for the beloved Oreo.
And that’s another thing, Oreos actually go with milk. The chocolate biscuit and cream act as the perfect sponge for dipping. And the way you eat an Oreo says a lot about your personality. Dunker? You’re bloody adventurous. Twister? You sensitive thing. Biter? Serial killer. Oreos also go better with beer, wine and even orange juice (which some cold-blooded creatures actually use for dunking).
Y'all got lazy with the design of the Tim Tam. It’s literally just a log. The Oreo consists of 90 ridges, 12 flowers, 12 dashes and 12 dots. Notice the effort there! Better yet, the cream centre of the cookie can also be used as a blank canvas for the purpose of art via a toothpick. Just check out this Instagram account where a brilliantly talented food artist transforms the Oreo into the next Pablo Picasso painting. Show me what you can create with a Tim Tam (OTHER THAN a Lincoln Log Cabin).
Oreos aren’t just a cookie or a canvas for art, it’s also a topping and a recognized flavour of society. I know you Aussies like your Oreo McFlurry… but where’s the Tim Tam flavour?! Oreo Churros exist because why the hell not. And don’t even get me started on all of the things you can do with the multifaceted cookie—especially for brekky.
Oreos GLOBALLY dominate on the topic of flavours. Since 1912, Nabisco has been cranking out over 55 flavours and limited editions of the circular treat. You’ll find green tea ice cream flavour in Japan, blueberry ice cream in Indonesia and orange/mango in China. Brave-hearted people have even risked their sweet tooth to rank them all. I’m not boasting that any of those flavours are desirable, I’m just saying… at least the Oreo is versatile. I did notice, however, that you can find special edition cheese flavour and coconut lychee flavour Tim Tams (not that that sounds appealing, whatsoever).
It all comes down to this: Oreos are the world’s best selling cookie. Period. It’s vegan. It’s kosher. It contains fewer calories than a Tim Tam. And they're way more cookies in a sleeve of Oreos than in a measly sleeve of Tim Tams. Still with me? Well, if you take anything out of this deeply important article you Tim Tam biased Aussie, just know that Tim Tams are made by Arnotts which is a company owned by US giant, Campbell Soup Company. So, you’re welcome.
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Image credit: Isaac Smith