Funny

20 Ways To Fake A Sickie

By Martha Brooke - 28 Jun 2016

20 Ways To Fake A Sickie


We get it. The thought of having to drag your sorry ass to work tomorrow is all too much to bear and you’re going to have to pull a sickie. Instead of running with the overused “cough, cough” approach, perhaps it’s time to branch out and get creative with your excuses. Here are 20 to start with… 

  1. Food poisoning. The dreaded ‘d’ word that no one can spell can come out to play.
  2. The ol’ time of the month. No questions asked and if your boss is a male, he’ll probs give you monthly time off in exchange for not mentioning it again.  
  3. Mondayitis is a thing, you know? “I heard that there’s a bad case of the ‘Mondayitis going round.”
  4. Play dumb. “What, it’s not a public holiday?! My bad.”
  5. Milk your hangover. “My doctor told me that hangovers are actually a real medical condition.”
  6. Look after your colleagues by pulling the ‘protection card’. “You just know that this bad mood is only going to get worse and worse and worse…”
  7. You’re allergic to Pauline in accounting’s new perfume. 
  8. “No no, that red thing on my neck isn’t a hickey from the office work party. Did you not hear? Bird flu is back!”
  9. That pimple, aka second nose just won’t die. Sorry boss!
  10. Claim that you work too hard. “It’s the offices’ fault. Can I sue?”
  11. Carrie got ditched at the alter by Big and you’re in no fit mental state to come to work. 
  12. An unidentified, highly contagious disease has taken over you. You must be quarantined for the day. 
  13. “Sale at the mall? Don’t be silly. My unexplained illness just decided to fall on exactly the same day, at exactly the same time.”
  14. “I’ve got a frizzyitis phobia. The walk from the bus to work in the pouring rain will do no good for my newly salon-styled hair.”
  15. You woke up in a good mood—you don’t want to go and ruin it. 
  16. “I sleepwalked onto a plane and onto a tropical island. My bad.”
  17. Head lice. Scratch your head the day before in boss’ view and you’re set. 
  18. You’ve got a severe headache that just won’t go away. Little do they know the real reason is brain freeze. Ice cream tubs on the couch, come at you! 
  19. You’re suffering from a severely broken heart. Dan didn’t text back for an hour and you can’t cope. 
  20. You’re just feeling too damn flawless and feel like you’ll distract everyone.

Ended up growing a pair and heading to work? Here are 11 Steps To Survive The Work Day

Image credit: Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

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