If you’ve ever been a freewheelin’ single lad or lass in Auckland, you’ll know that it can be an absolute delight. There’s no one to hold you back, steal your pizza and you’re free to make your way through all these excellent activities. But sometimes, because life’s a silly sausage, you’re left feeling like being single in Auckland is the worst thing any human could endure. True story.
Don’t worry, we feel ya. Like most of the population, we’ve been there, done that and know how much being single in Auckland can suck. To help you let it all out, here are 21 of the hardest things about being single in Auckland.
- The walk of shame, particularly down Ponsonby Road. Why the hell is every man and his dog out, about and not hungover on Saturday at 7am?
- When you do get round to dating someone, you find out they once slept with the now 18-year-old you used to babysit. Oh joy.
- Finally dragging your butt out of the house to run (and frolic with the lambs) in Cornwall Park, only to literally trip over couples having their wedding photos done. Ugh, cringe, no deal. *secretly wishes it was me*
- Not being able to drop off your boo outside an absurdly busy Auckland restaurant to put your name down on the waitlist while you set out on the nearly impossible task of finding free parking in the city.
- Trying to enjoy a fish ‘n’ chips sunset sesh on the beach but having it ruined by the loved-up couple asking you to take a photo of them. Leave. Me. Alone.
- Deciding to pick up takeout from a restaurant on Valentine’s Day and being forced to stare at love drunk couples while you wait for your Pad Thai for one. The worst.
- Or when you deciding to ditch the diet and order not one but TWO dishes and they automatically throw in another pair of chopsticks. Nope, still just me.
- Waiting in line for Giapo, sandwiched between couples who are probs going to steal cheeky bites of each other’s ice creams and then pash their way through Britomart. Vom.
- Cooking for one. Expensive AND less fun. Literally no fun at all.
- Asking people what they’re doing on the weekend and being smacked in the face with “oh, we’ve just got dinner with our couple friends.” Rub salt in the wound why don’t ya?
- Having to spend a hefty $250 (if you’re lucky) per week on a room while your couple mates split a cute AF one-bedroom apartment.
- When you eat a dodgy curry and your flatmates get annoyed because you’re hogging the toilet. This wouldn’t happen in the one-bedroom.
- Running into your failed Tinder dates/one night stands on your way home from the gym, obvs looking your absolute best. Just great.
- Or bumping into your ex AND his new so-hot-it-hurts girlfriend.
- Knowing that there will be no one to save you if someone climbs in your window and snatches you up.
- When it's bucketing down and the only person you have to cuddle while watching the movie is yourself.
- Looking forward to summer because, y’know, summer flings and frosé, but then realising that it’s going to be filled with attending weddings...alone.
- Having to fend off people you’re not into when you decide to go out on Saturday night. Then getting shut down when you conjure up the courage to approach the person you’re crushing on. Love’s a battlefield, folks.
- Ubering home alone and your Uber driver asking why you’re going home alone. Sigh.
- When you’re actually content with being single, absolutely no living, breathing soul believes you. Yet when you’re hating it and about to adopt the entire cat section of the animal shelter, everyone responds with “oh, but you love the single life, you don’t need no man/woman!”
- Navigating Tinder. It’s still an awkward mish-mash of old school mates, friends’ brothers and guys that go to your gym.
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Image Credit: How To Be Single