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40 Things You Should Never Say To A New Zealander

By Martha Brooke - 15 Feb 2017

40 Things You Should Never Say To A New Zealander


Us Kiwis are notorious for being one of the most relaxed groups of people on the planet. With such a blasé attitude and ‘whatever dude’ can-do way of thinking, you’d think it would be pretty damn hard to piss use off. However, everyone has their gripes and that certainly doesn’t exclude us New Zealand folk.

If you would like to make friends with us and avoid alienating yourself in Kiwi territory, you might just wanna hold your tongue on a few things.

Aside from the obvious obscene remarks and insults, here are 40 things you should never say to a New Zealander.

  1. ‘Well, New Zealand is part of the Commonwealth so Britain technically owns you.’
  2. ‘Where abouts in Australia are you from?’
  3. ‘Stick another shrimp on the barbie, mate!’
  4. ‘You’re from Auckland, yeah?’
  5. ‘Football is so much better than rugby.’
  6. ‘And yeah, it’s called football not soccer!’
  7. ‘New Zealand is just that island by Australia.’
  8. ‘Are you wearing your thongs/flip flops to the beach?’
  9. ‘I wish they had changed the flag.’
  10. ‘You’re from New Zealand? Wow, your English is really good.’
  11.  ‘Who is Richie McCaw?’
  12. ‘We never had New Zealand on our world map at school.’
  13. ‘How many sheep have you shagged?’
  14. ‘It must suck that bands don’t bother coming this far.’
  15. ‘Oh, my friend moved there in 1989. Do you know so and so?’
  16. ‘So you’re from New Zealand? I’ve actually always wanted to visit Sydney.’
  17. ‘It must just be like Lord of the Rings.’
  18. ‘Have you ever been to Middle Earth?’
  19. ‘Hmm, New Zealand isn’t actually that beautiful.’
  20. ‘Can you eat kiwis?’
  21. ‘I heard that pavlova is actually from Australia.’
  22. ‘Do you get the internet over there?’
  23. ‘Russell Crowe is my favourite Australian actor.’
  24. ‘Sausage sizzles are overrated.’
  25. ‘Does your toilet flush the wrong way?’
  26. ‘I’ll come visit you the next time I’m in Europe.’
  27. ‘They were right to get rid of John Campbell.’
  28. ‘We don’t charge for ketchup at our fish and chip shops.’
  29. ‘A hot Christmas just isn’t the same.’
  30. ‘They are called Weet-a-bix not Weetbix.’
  31. ‘Is the Briscoes lady your mum?’
  32. ‘Flight of the Concords isn’t funny.’
  33. ‘I heard that McDonalds’ frozen cokes aren’t $1 anymore.’
  34. ‘Why do you pronounce ‘e’ so weird?’
  35. ‘Mince and cheese pies are gross.’
  36. ‘$1 lolly bags are such good value.’
  37. ‘Vogels bread isn’t worth the hassle of double toasting.’
  38. ‘The Australian accent is so similar; do you not think?’
  39. ‘I bet you can only get like five TV channels, eh?’
  40. ‘Where are your shoes?’

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Image credit: Ghislain Mary

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