It brings us great sadness to announce First Dates New Zealand is wrapping up for the season—no more cringe-worthy drama gracing our TV screens! As much as we hate to admit it, we’re totally crossing our fingers for a sequel. As expected, the season’s final was all sorts of delightful. Here’s what we were thinking as we tuned in.
1. Ermahgerd it’s the final!
2. Keeley: “Would it be weird if I order my date a drink too?” Are we sensing a control freak here?
3. Hoooly, Stephen is one of NINE children.
4. Hellooo tennis coach Chris.
5. Narrator: “He’s hoping tonight’s match with be love-all.” The writers of this show are so pun-derful.
6. Chris has been in New Zealand for four months and he’s already got a gig on a dating show. Impressive.
7. Don’t put your handbag on the table, Abby. That’s bad manners.
8. “I’m a complete dating disaster. I get very nervous. I forget what I’m saying. On a date I once forgot my name and my age.” Awh Debbie.
9. Keeley: “Should I ask a risky question? How much do you reckon I weigh?” Um what? Who ASKS that?
10. Stephen likes peanut butter and tomato sauce sandwiches?! Ewww.
11. “I’m about to ask him his favourite colour in a second.” Well that would be better than asking him to guess your weight.
12. Debbie: “I’m hoping to meet a gentleman who’s a gentleman.” That’s usually what a gentleman is.
13. Another Chris? Heck, that’s confusing. From here on in, architect Chris will be “Chris 2.0”.
14. Chris 2.0 had a fourteen-hour marriage?! That beats Kim K’s efforts.
15. The look on Chris’ face when Abby announces she’s vegetarian…
16. “I’m looking for someone now because I’m getting a bit on in years.” Michael, you’re 22.
17. Michael: “I still live at home. Mum cooks dinner. We have Taco Tuesday every week. It’s great.” We’re not sure if Michael is winning or losing.
18. Stephen’s parents met and married in THREE weeks. That’s outrageous.
19. Chris: “I never actually had my first salad until I was 29.” Wait, what? That’s even MORE outrageous.
20. Abby: “Horrible. His eating habits are horrible.” We couldn’t have said it any better ourselves, girl.
21. Chris 2.0 brought Debbie chocolates. He’s a total keeper.
22. Chris 2.0: “I think the thing about a meal is, the food is nice but it’s all about the company.” AWHHH! Please let Debbie be his happy ever after.
23. “On the weekends I go out with my mates. Most of the time I get quite drunk and end up just throwing up in places and just coma’ing out.” Stay classy, Michael.
24. Slash who admits that on national TV?
25. “I like hanging out with da boys too much to have a misses at the minute.” Whhhy are you on this show Michael? You’re wasting Olivia’s time and she’s de-lightful.
26. Stephen: “If you were a vegetable you’d be a cucumber.” Keeley: “I’m not clicking.” Stephen: “A cute-cumber.” Criiinge.
27 Oh God, Michael’s favourite pick-up line is going to be terrible…
28. Michael: “Hey girl. Can I get in your pants or is there already an asshole in there?” We’d MUCH rather the cucumber pick-up line (and that’s saying something).
29. Chris, you’re being far too dramatic about not liking your lamb.
30. Abby: “We’re at a restaurant. If you get food you don’t like, that’s a-okay. Suck it up.” Preach it, girlfriend.
31. Bullying sucks, Stephen. Don’t let ‘em get you down.
32. A yes from both Keeley and Stephen? We did naaaht see that coming.
33. They left holding hands! That’s got to be a first from FDNZ.
34. Olivia: “Are you passionate about anything?” Michael: “Um, passionate?” Far out this guy is a deadbeat.
35. Olivia: “If you could do anything in the world tomorrow, what would you do?” Michael: “Um probably sleep in.” Awh Liv. How did you get paired with this joker?
36. Michael: “Most Sundays I spend the day sleeping because I’m so hungover.” Quit while you’re ahead, dude.
37. Abby said yes to dramatic-non-salad-eating Chris? Talk about giving people a second chance.
38. Liv and Michael are no Allie and Noah.
39. Chris and Abby went on NINE more dates? Who would have thought?!
40. And just like that, it’s over. We’ll (hopefully) see you again next year, team!