After two weeks of hit lists, red roses and “I was wondering if I could have some one-on-one time?”, we’re thoroughly addicted to The Bach. On Monday and Tuesday nights you’ll find us munching on chocolate peanuts as we watch Jords and his lady squad date their way around Auckland. Here’s what we were thinking as we watched The Bachelor NZ.
1. Mmm chocolate peanuts.
2. I wonder how much Jordan got paid for namedropping “Suzuki Swift Sport”?
3. Naz is still harping on about that damn hit list—gaaah!
4. Lara, you’ve got great eyebrows #browsonfleek.
5. “I’m pretty impressed with a girl that can drive”. Well in that case you’d love me, Jordan!
6. Jordan: “I might grab my sunglasses if you don’t mind.” *chokes on a chocolate peanut*
7. Naz: “I’m way overdue for a single date with Jordan.” Make it happen, producers! I’d pay big bucks to see this.
8. They’re seriously doing another horse riding date?! Have we forgotten about Matilda’s catastrophic mishap with Paris from last season?!
9. Howdy Jordan! Look at you with your big ol’ belt buckle. So swag.
10. WHERE IS THIS MANSION LOCATED?!
11. Open fire, cheese, fairy lights and pillows…This better result in a kiss.
12. Jordan’s generous when it comes to pouring wine. That’s my kind of man.
13. Is that fire real?! Are those fake logs? Where’s the smoke? Where’s the embers? I’m calling a firegate!
14. Regardless, if it is real, they’re sitting faaar too close.
15. Last week we had testicle chat. This week we have sperm banter. Goooood.
16. Only the best people bring homemade lolly slice to a cocktail party. Let’s be friends, Ceri.
17. No one ever drinks cocktails at these so-called cocktail parties.
18. Jordan: “I’ll come find you in about five minutes.” Naz: “Four.” *cracks a whip*
19. Bai Amanda. I saw that coming (sorry!).
20. Chocolate peanuts are M.I.A. tonight. Lame.
21. Group date with Gabrielle, Claudia and Naz…Sucks to be you, Gabs!
22. She’s doing pretty well for someone who’s apparently scared of water.
23. Looking a bit unkempt, Bachie. Where yo razer at?
24. Jordan just outed Claudia and Naz for being stalkers. Hehe he mustn’t be a fan.
25. Spewing: because farting is sooo last year.
26. Rebecca’s into film. Jordan’s into film. I see what’s happening.
27. No one EVER wins those oversized teddy bears. Where’s the shitty stickers and fun-sized chocolate bars at?
28. Mm-mmm! Nothing like some greasy chips and a hot dog to settle the stomach.
29. Actual lol at the teddy bear riding the carousel.
30. Ain’t nothing more romantic than a post-vom pash while Mr Bear lays discarded on the footpath.
31. Woah woah woah we have tears.
32. Wait, why is Naz even ripping into Ceri?!
33. You swam, Naz—congrats. Quit it with the emotional blackmail.
34. “Do you mind just giving us a few more minutes?” Burn, Claudia!
35. I didn’t even realise Erin was missing.
36. … I didn’t even realise there was an Erin on the show.
37. I do naaaht look like that when I’m feeling unwell.
38. “I’m feeling really confident. Like, right from day one Jordan said I made a really good impression with my bliss baaalls.” Lewl.
39. Turns out bliss balls and a tan aren’t the way to a guy’s heart. Who would’ve thought?
40. Did we get through an entire episode without mention of Naz’s hit list?!
Stay tuned for next week’s round-up of Bachie-related thoughts.
Image credit: TV3