Funny

40 Thoughts We All Had While Watching The Bachelor This Week

By Natasha Van Der Laan - 30 Mar 2016

The Bachelor NZ, Naz The Bachelor, Jordan The Bachelor, season 2 The Bachelor

We’ve been telling our friends and family “we have to watch The Bachelor for work”. But, let’s be honest, it’s actually just an excuse to curl up on the couch to watch trash quality television. Four weeks in and we’re more addicted than ever. This week Jordan and his clan of 14 ladies (now 11) dated their way around Hawaii. Here’s what we were thinking as we watched The Bachelor NZ.  

1. Do the girls just sit around the pool waiting for Mike to show up with a date card?

2. What’s with the slow-motion shots of Jordan? He looks like a total douche. 

3. Ceri just got lei’ed. Heh.

4. Wind and rain—this is naaht the nice, sunny Hawaii we envisioned. 

5. You’re not really dressed for the weather, Ceri.

6. A walk in a storm followed by wine in a hut. Average date is average. Should’ve stayed in New Zealand.

7. “The water’s the same colour as your eyes”. UGH really?

8. Why does Rebecca’s t-shirt say ‘this is my cat costume’? Are we missing something?

9. Pleased to see Jords took his Where’s Wally singlet to Hawaii.

10. Naz is making peace with Ceri? She’s certainly changed her tune! 

11. …Or not. Her cruel intentions are still going strong.

12. Note to self: never ask Jordan for a massage. That looks average as.

13. Fleur’s gotta be top three. The same goes for Shari and Ceri.

14. Oooh look! The sequins have followed them to Hawaii.

15. Kate hates bad shoes. Jordan’s shoes need to be resoled. This isn’t gonna work. 

16. First it was bliss balls and now it’s toy dogs. Is this REALLY the way to a guy’s heart? 

17. Alicia: “You’ll have to give him a name”. Cringe.

18. “Mind if I have a chat with you?” Jordan: “ABSOULTELY!” It looks like Jords is keen to put some distance between him and Alicia’s furry family. 

19. That brings the soft toy count up to three: Mr Bear, pilot bear and now a dog. What’s with that?

20. Last week we had Naz harping on about being here for the “right reasons”. This week Jordan’s whining about “being serious”. Get over yourself, Bach.

21. The rose ceremony looks very Survivor-esque tonight.

22. The tribe has spoken. It’s time for you to go, Danielle.

23. How can one man have so many connections?!

24. Boy oh boy we’re desperato to have a single date today!

25. Ceri, you can’t possibly have two single dates in a row. Don’t be ridiculous.

26. Yeah, Fleur! You’ve got dis. We always thought you were the one. 

27. Love me a man covered in tribal tattoos. Said no one. Ever.

28. Babe, enough with the damn helicopter ride!

29. WHO’S THE COUCH SLOB?! Do tell.

30. Ain’t no better way to kill a moment than a story about spitting giraffe dung. Stay classy, Fleur. 

31. Shout out to Michael Hill for some quality product placement.

32. Umm…You probably shouldn’t be thinking about your brother as you lock lips with ya boy. 

33. Jordan: “I hope my nose isn’t too cold.” Who says that? And why is your nose cold? You’re in front of a bloody volcano! 

34. Shout out to Gabs for overcoming her fears without a big ol’ hoopla. Naz, take note. 

35. We hate to break it to you, hun. But monogamy isn’t really something that happens on The Bachelor.

36. Love us a game of ‘Never Have I Ever’—it’s like a being at a uni hall party all over again.

37. You call that a poem?

38. OOOH BURN! NO KISS FOR YOU!

39. Nooo, not Nicole! We liked you! 

40. Adios, Lara! You and your perfect brows will be missed.

Stay tuned for next week’s round-up of Bachie-related thoughts. If you can't wait until then, check out our previous weekly round-ups here.

Image credit: TV3

Our best stories, direct to your inbox, helping you to out-trend your mates every weekend...

Tags:

Funny

You May Also Like