Funny

42 Ways An Aucklander Prepares For Winter

By Olivia Atkinson - 22 May 2016

Complaining talking about the weather is more or less a sport in Auckland—except it’s actually more popular than sport because every. single. person participates in it. So how does Auckland prepare for the chilly hell that is winter besides investing in the cheapest brolly they can find, that is? 

Here are 42 ways out city preps for the long haul. Winter is coming… 

  1. Complain to every man and his dog about the steady temperature plummet. 
  2. Read an article about electricity price hikes. 
  3. Share electricity price hikes with flatmates who take hour-long showers. 
  4. Complain about electricity price hikes. 
  5. Shop for more black clothes but find that nothing is black enough to go with your current black selection, so you leave empty handed. 
  6. Go for a second shopping expedition and buy all the vaguely black clothing you can find. 
  7. Layer up all your black clothing so that it matches your winter-hating mood. 
  8. Slap your friend who reminds you how much you complained about the heat.
  9. Go to the market and stock up on winter veggies with the good intention of making soup. 
  10. Get home and realised you can’t make soup because you can’t cook. Because this is Auckland and no one cooks. 
  11. Research ‘Auckland’s Best Pho’. 
  12. Print off the take away menus from the top five pho joints. 
  13. Research ‘Auckland’s Best Ramen’. 
  14. Renew your Netflix or Lightbox subscription.  
  15. Map out your on demand viewing for the next three months. 
  16. Bitch about how ugly down jackets are. 
  17. Go and buy a down jacket and/or dust off your old Kathmandu puffer. 
  18. Do not remove said jacket for the next five months. 
  19. Ponder what you’re going to wear on your feet now that it’s too cold for Birkenstocks. 
  20. Shop for winter boots. 
  21. Realise that the only one you like are from Kathryn Wilson and that you’ll need to sell a kidney to afford them. 
  22. Wonder if you can get away with wearing your Nike Roshes for the whole of winter. 
  23. Buy an electric blanket/inherit one from your nana. 
  24. Remember the electricity price hike article. 
  25. Install electric blanket anyway, but don’t tell flatmates. 
  26. Have an argument with flatmates about what the acceptable temperature is to turn the heating on. 
  27. Become the queen of ‘lounge wear’. 
  28. Buy new Uggs and fleecy track pants.
  29. Buy an ugly but snuggly hoodie that you tell yourself is only for ‘couch time’.
  30. Wear your ugly hoodie to the supey. With your trackies. And Uggs. 
  31. Ease out of exercise. No one exercises in winter. 
  32. Try on your bikini in the hope that it will remind you of the warmer months. 
  33. Freeze your tits off. 
  34. Start drinking whisky to warm your soul (and the above). 
  35. Start rocking up to bars to drink whisky in your Uggs and ugly hoodie. 
  36. Use your slowcooker to make an endless supply of mulled wine. 
  37. Buy your pet a pet-sized animal onesie so it doesn’t get hypothermia. 
  38. Buy yourself a matching human-sized animal onesie to wear when your track pants are in the wash. 
  39. Complain about how rugby obsessed Auckland is. 
  40. Go to the rugby at least five times and moan about the score. 
  41. Complain about the cold at the rugby wearing your ugly hoodie. 
  42. Buy more black clothes. 

Don’t want to think about winter yet? Tick off our Auckland Autumn Bucket List and stay in denial that it’s getting colder. 

Image credit: Game Of Thrones

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