Funny

7 Auckland Clichés That Are Absolutely (Kind Of) True

By Ellen Seah - 23 Feb 2017

Clichés aren’t always on point, but when it comes to #Auckland…well, there are just some things we can’t hide from the world. Here are the seven Auckland clichés that deep down in your heart, you know are true.

1. We’re All Coffee Snobs

You can even play spot-the-tourist if you’re within a five-kilometre radius of Britomart Station. Camp at a coffee shop with your favourite triple espresso infused with butter and the tears of your barista. As you (masculinely) sip at your teensy tiny bitter bomb of a coffee, watch as a tourist walks in and can’t speak Auckland.  

“Can I have a coffee please?”

“What kind?”

“A coffee.”

“A cappuccino, latte, flat white, long black, espresso, cold drip, filter, pour-over or 24-hour batch brew made with unicorns and sprinkles?”

“An EXpresso but with lots of milk.”

*is immediately evicted from café*

2. The Weather Is A Grouchy Toddler With Attention Problems

What do you mean you don’t have an umbrella on your person at all times? What happens when it starts hailing at 3pm in summer? Or when it peaks at 30 degrees at 5pm on a Tuesday, because that’s how the sun works here?

3. We LOVE Rugby

To hereby and forevermore only to be referred to as “the game” or “the one that’s not soccer”. In case you didn’t hear, we love rugby so much that we’d probably go to war with Canterbury if it meant claiming back our beloved Auckland born-and-bred Kieran Read.

4. We Only Wear Black Except For Activewear

It’s just so much easier to colour coordinate.

5. We Hate Our Public Transport System

…and after a brief brawl with an ever-malfunctioning ticket machine, the tourists don’t blame us. If you're waiting for the train in peak hour? Don’t worry, it’s always going to be at least five to ten minutes late, until you’re actually late and then it’s two minutes early. But AT apologises for any inconvenience caused.  

6. We Are The Café Capital Of The World

There are so many cafes populating every inch of our fair city, we’ve lost all ability to cook for ourselves. It’s obviously quicker to travel into the city, wait two hours in line and feast on a foodgasmic feed me menu every night.

7. We’re The Melting-Pot City Of New Zealand

When Aucklanders leave town, we fall victim to culture shock (or lack thereof), and we get really judgy when we read out-of-town menus. How does the rest of the country get by without being able to get a Vietnamese Bánh mì, Turkish Baklava, Malaysian Roti canai and a feed from Maccas all from the same block of shops?

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