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Horoscopes | Your Co(s)mic Week Ahead

By James Shackell - 03 Oct 2017

Love? Money? Mysterious strangers who turn out to be emotionally manipulative douchebags? The stars are fickle things, guys. It takes some serious skills to peer into the murky depths of the future and predict stuff like how our Tinder date will go this week. Luckily, we have those skills.

Strap yourself in, Auckland. Here’s what you’re *really* in for this week.

Libra

Things are looking sketchy for you this week, Libs. On the one hand, you’re smashing it at work, on the other, your dating game is all over the place. Crippling indecision will strike mid-week, but you have to push through and choose a side. To text or not to text, that’s the big question.

Take the back seat with your love life and watch the guys at Married at First Sight instead.

Scorpio

You’re putting out fires all over the place, but more of the emotional kind (although if you’re cooking with oil, stay alert). Why haven’t they called me back? My boss is a jerk! Help me, Scorpio, help me. You’re the guru this week, and everyone’s going to want a piece. Just tell them to form an orderly queue.

If you need a break from helping others, stay at home for a meatball Monday. 

Sagittarius

Your luck is looking up this week, Sag. You should either buy a lottery ticket or double up on a McDonalds Monopoly meal (get ready for a free small fries). The planets are aligning nicely, but the good times won’t last forever. Make hay while the sun shines etc, especially if you’re a cattle farmer.

Need more proof the universe loves you? You can now get Mac 'N' Cheese doughnuts in Auckland.

Capricorn

Someone’s cramping your space this week, Caps, and you don’t like it one bit. It could be a housemate who leaves toast sweat on the counter one too many times. It could be a co-worker who ate your yogurt (despite your very specific fridge labelling). Whoever it is, they’re gonna feel the hammer of justice this week. Deep breaths now...

Blow off some steam with your new fave workout.

Aquarius

Getting an itchy passport, Aquarius? Tired of seeing friends on your feed posting #blessed shots from Santorini while you shiver on the couch eating baked beans from a can? Time to do something about it. Book that trip, take that chance, switch things up. Change is a good thing this week.

Here's some free events to help you save that moolah this month.

Pisces

You should know better than anyone, Pisces, there are plenty more fish in the sea. Heartbreak might be getting you down, but the important thing is to just keep swimming (don’t knock the Finding Nemo wisdom). Leave the hermitage and hit the town this week. Good things are just ‘round the corner.

Got a date night coming up? Hit the movies with our list of must see flicks this month. 

Aries

Time to pull your head in, Aries. Your stars say all that success is going to your head, and people are beginning to resent it (jealous much?). This week, just focus on doing solid work, putting your head down, and keeping the #humblebrags to a minimum.

You know what wins people over? Pastries. Pastries win people over. Might be time to treat the office...

Taurus

You’ve been trying and trying Taurus, but the fitness regime just isn’t showing results. Might be time to stop bashing your head against a wall. Take a step back, grab a slice of cheesecake, and reassess. Switch up the routine, join a class or two, make it fun again. That’s the secret.

In need of #fitspo? Here are the NZ fitness grams you need to follow asap. 

Gemini

It’s all about group time this week, Gems. We know it’s tempting to ‘raincheck’ those dinners with colleagues (or even your nearest and dearest), but you planets are sending a clear signal: step away from the couch. Start saying ‘yes’ to social outings, it’ll pay big dividends (and don’t worry, you can always pike at 10pm if you’re tired. That totally counts).

If it’s a brunch date, we’ve got you covered. 

Cancer

Adulting is hard at the best of times, and this week is not the best of times. Looks like your life admin is starting to slip, Cancer. Better dedicate some time this week to the boring stuff: paying the bills, checking insurance, figuring out your Citylink account password. Cross the I’s and dot the T’s (or is that the other way around).

We know you've got your life together if you're the type to hit the morning markets after your weekend workout.

Leo

Oh oh, Leo. Your ex is back on the scene. We don’t know where, and we don’t know when, but you’re gonna come face to face with Mr/Mrs Almost this week. Better grow eyes in the back of your head. This could get awks...

We know all the feels: 21 of the hardest things about being single in Auckland.

Virgo

You’ve been running around like a headless chook, Virgos. This week is all about slowing down and working out what you REALLY want. Turn off the phone, kick back, and think where you want to be in five years’ time. Your stars say it all begins now.

Nothing says comfort food like a hearty bowl of pasta especially if it's handmade. Dee-lish!

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