Funny

Horoscopes | Your Co(s)mic Week Ahead

By Elizabeth Maidment - 28 May 2018

libra-star-sign


The weather's getting colder, and so is our patience. But even though our New Years' resolution of 'I want to get fitter" and "I don't want to spend my money on avocado on toast" hasn't pulled through, we're here to lift your spirits and tell you that it's all going to be a-okay. For the most part.

Strap in for a wild ride. Here's what you're *really* in for this week.

Aquarius

Struggling with what to do about your career? This week is gonna open up a new opportunity that you don’t expect. As you get closer to Friday, you’ll know what to do. Maybe crack open a bottle of red to help you decide?

Pisces

OoO love is on the horizon, Pisces! Look, Prince Harry might be a married man, but set your sights on that cute barista that you’ve been checking out…This week is the week. If the stars don’t convince you, they’ll be able to make you a killer coffee in the morning. Score. 

Aries

It’s almost European Summer. Which means it’s the season for European Summer. Your feed will be transformed with sunset yacht photos and people chowing down on Italian gelato. Don’t let your jealousy get the better of you, trust us, you’re going to be able to afford smashed av' and they won’t. Even better? Book yourself into a stay-cation in the city. 

Taurus

Don’t despair Taurus, we know this year hasn’t been the best for you so far. But don’t give up yet, something amazing is on the horizon. Now...is it the new season of the Bachelorette or a new job? You decide.

Cancer

Have you been a bit social for the last couple of weeks, Cancerians? It’s time to TONE that down because procrastination, procrasti-baking, and procrasti-watching are all a thing. We see your viewing history of all eight seasons of Gilmore Girls. Get to work on all those tasks piling up!

Leo

You know what screams “It’s getting colder” – treating yourself. We’re talking turtleneck jumpers, chai lattes, a big bowl of ramen and a fluffy coat. Go on, it’s payday.

Virgo

Virgo, Virgo, Virgo. It’s almost time to say goodbye to Virgo Season, but don’t worry, your luck isn’t running out just yet. Like all good things, one door closes and another one opens, maybe in the form of a relationship, a new job or just some good ol’ fashion healthy eating. Watch out, good things are coming. 

Libra

It’s time to change your attitude, Libra. The glass isn’t half empty—it’s half full. This change in attitude will brighten you up and expose you to some new friends. Go on and drink up that espresso martini, get out there and mingle. 

Scorpio

The stars are throwing you some extra lovin’ this week, Scorpio, with a new love interest on the horizon! Go ahead and swipe right, you never know where it’ll lead you this weekend. 

Sagittarius

You’re heading into a quarter-life crisis this week, Sagittarius. Don’t pull a 2008 Britney—make sure you step away from the laptop and breathe some fresh air. Plus, you’ll get to pat all the dogs whilst you’re on your park adventures. Winning!

Capricorn

Don’t let your insecurities get ahead of you, Capricorn. We all know you can be a bit anxious, especially seeing we’re almost through the middle of the year. Hold on, you’ve got this!

Gemini

It’s almost your season, Gems. Get that much-needed space that you deserve, because your stress is really starting to show (seriously, we see those empty Cookies & Cream tubs sitting in your recycling). Treat yo’ self to a massage, kick back and put on some fuzzy socks and let the latest season of Ru Paul’s Drag Race take over. 

Need a break? Check this place out: It's Hawaii's most Instagrammable hotel

Image credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist

Our best stories, direct to your inbox, helping you to out-trend your mates every weekend...

Tags:

Funny

You May Also Like