Funny

40 Thoughts We All Had While Watching The Bachelor This Week

By Olivia Atkinson - 10 Mar 2016

It’s official: Art and Matilda faded into the abyss this week as a brand-spanking new bachie and herd of fresh laaadies took to the screen. Since watching the first two eps, we had like, 40 (or more) lingering thoughts about the Canterbury stubbies-and-swannie lad and his quest to find love.

Who is destined to be Chrystal 2.0? Will there be a serial crier? Didn’t she go to my primary school? Do any of us actually give a shit?

  1. Oh hai, Mike. Fancy seeing you here.
  2. Oh HAAIIIIII, Jordan, you Southern stud, you.
  3. Dog snuggles, baby snuggles, toddler snuggles. Are you kidding me?! *checks ovaries are still intact*
  4. Who even emerges from the pool like that? Who even showers like that? Can I please shower with you, Bachie?
  5. Ohhh the nerves. You poor, poor girls
  6. “I’m open and ready.” Is that so, Jordan?
  7. Juice, Ceri? Seriously…
  8. Swagger Sarah has her “box ticked”. Heh.
  9. The limo man does NOT look like a happy chappy.
  10. That textured suit against Danielle’s cheek legit gave her the tingles. Also, why are you yelling at us, Danielle?
  11. “Hi, I’m Jordan”…“What’s your name?” Oh Harmony, shouldn’t have brought your sieve brain to the party.
  12. Dudes are totally into sugar-free, gluten-free, dairy-free bliss balls…
  13. WHY DID I NEVER GET A MINTURE PONY CALLED RAINBOW? #lifegoals
  14. So. Many. Sequins.
  15. BYO bubbles. I like Lara.
  16. They’re totally thinking about all the new Insta followers they now have.
  17. In the house. LET THE GAMES BEGIN.
  18. Go, Kate, go! The first interruption has occurred.
  19. Sheesh, Naz, hakuna your tatas.
  20. WHO THROWS A PERFECTLY GOOD PILLOW LIKE THAT? Haere mai, Harmony.
  21. And the first rose goes to Rebecca. Knew he had a thing for Scrabble-playing blondes.
  22. How is it the rose ceremony already?
  23. What did you ACTUALLY put in the bliss balls, Claudia? WHY WON’T YOU STOP SMILING?
  24. I can’t believe this is a real show.
  25. He kinda looks like Quagmire from The Family Guy…
  26. Activewear, activewear, going on The Bachelor in my activewear.  
  27. C’mon, Sarah! There’s an inner-wakeboard champ within you. You. Can. Do. It!
  28. Wait, was that a kiss?
  29. Fleur, we love you already but please please PLEASE sort your hair out.
  30. I miss Matilda.
  31. We’ve got tears!
  32. Shout out to the editing team for getting a penis joke past the big boss. Love me some sausage.
  33. What’s with Shari’s comb-over?
  34. Naz, I’m trying to focus on your face but I can’t stop looking at them boobs.
  35. There are so many blondies!
  36. Imagine if David Attenborough narrated this…
  37. Ugh more sequins.
  38. Metz, you Beyonce-lovin’, Samoan princess you. You’re our favourite.
  39. Wait, he’s only eliminating one girl?
  40. I wish I could have some one-on-one time with Jords. Reeeow.

Stay tuned for next week’s round-up of Bachie-related thoughts. 

Image credit: TV3

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