Ah…the good ol’ world of Instagram. It’s a place where your importance of existence is valued by the number of followers you have and how many likes you get on each photo.
Needless to say, there’s more to Instagram than just taking a pic and posting it, and we’re here to debunk the meanings behind your insta-worthy pics.
1. I’m Doing Better Without You
This photo comes in a couple of different forms: it could be a ‘fuck you, I’m hot photo’, a gram with another man, or a quote about being ‘so over’ said breakup. While the Grammer’s think it’s a subtle way of showing your ex that you’re doing better off without them, it’s much too obvious to the average eye. We all know your gram has been perfectly planned out to either show the guy you’ve been seeing (which has just ended), what he’s missing out on, make him jealous by featuring another man in your gram or to secretly use it as a way to try and draw him back into your life (we know you’re definitely one for the 3am drunk calls).
2. I’m Out Tonight And I’m Ready To Get Some
This pic is normally taken in a group shot or with one of your besties. The latter usually wins as it’s easier to get a good picture with just two of you in it, as opposed to, let’s say, five of you. Pretty much you’re at the very beginning of seeing someone or you’ve got a few options on the go and you want to let them know you’re out tonight. Posting this gram will show your potentials how hot you are looking this evening, and raise your chances of locking in one of your lovers for the night.
3. I Know My Bod Looks Hot But I’m Gonna Pretend It’s Not
The hot bod gram is one that’s much coveted in summer, and usually only shows up in winter as a classic throwback Thursday. The hot bod gram is usually to let the insta-world out there know that you’ve been going hard in the gym this winter and you are ready to reveal what you’re made of (or at least just what your bod is made of—hint it ain’t pies). Tag lines usually include something completely irrelevant “Friyay (so here’s me in a bikini)”, or one searching for compliments “Ugh excuse the fat roll”. Note: this one usually pulls plenty of likes including creepy old men if your profile is set to public.
4. The Product Promoter
The product promoter has at least 5000 followers and you will usually see them tagging brands in their grams. Sometimes these promoters are not even paid, they’re just doing it to show off the free stuff they’ve been given, in exchange for their self-worth and credibility. The other type of product promoter does get paid, so beware that what they say they like might not actually be true but something has to pay the bills!
5. I’m A Foodie
Ah, the classic food gram…who doesn’t love seeing what other people eat and then getting major food envy?! Or even better, seeing other people eat healthy food, so we know that not only are they not poor students, they make good food choices. The best is a Sunday morning gram at Little Bird Unbakery. While we wallow in our self-pity of drinking too much the night before, we get to see these healthy-lifestyle peeps shoving their coconut bacon and green smoothies in our faces.
6. I’m So Fitspo
And then there’s the good old gym selfie. Who doesn’t love to show off their gym routine? With the fitness revolution in full swing, our Insta feeds have been covered with fitspo images. It’s amazing how many people love to show themselves getting fit.
7. The “I’m Travelling Europe This Year” Photo
You probably don’t even need to go to Santorini anymore, considering how many grams you’ve seen of the city this Euro summer. The travelling Europe gram has proved to be very popular, not only giving you numerous tanned, summer bod pics to share whilst the rest of us eat pies and cakes to get us through winter, but it also gives you a stockpile of photos to have when you return back to AKL.
8. The Loved-Up Couple
There’s no better way to remind you of your non-existent relationship than seeing loved-up couples covering your Instagram feed. Back in the hey-day your relationship wasn’t official until it was Facebook official, and now it’s moved on to the ‘Gram. ‘Cause if it didn’t exist on social media, did it even exist at all?? Beware fellow relationship-ers, always have a back up plan for the break-up. See points 1, 2 and 3, for finding your way back to singledom.
9. The Yogi Poser
Then there’s the happy-as-Larry, spiritual little yogi. You can tell a yogi’s ‘Gram based on their inspirational quotes, yoga poses and the ‘vegan’ tagline in their bio. The yogi is a new-age hippie who caught onto the trend just in time for the social media world to blow it up, big time. For the insta-world, being a yogi is not really how often you practise, it’s all about what difficult poses you can do and how many times you can quote the Dalai Lama. Note: headstand and handstands give you extra brownie points.
10. The Selfie
Who doesn’t love to share a good selfie from time to time? It’s a little reminder to all your Insta-friends how good you can make yourself look. It’s the picture you can pose perfectly in, due to the front camera functions you know exactly how you look. Work your best angle, slap a filter on and you’re good to go.
11. The Insta-whore
The insta-whore is basically all of the above, and more. The Insta-whore will have no less than 3000 followers and will be following only about 10% of their fans (yes we’re calling them fans now). The Insta-whore is very successful with their like-to-follow ratio, by sharing photos that others love to see, think all of the above. The Insta-whore is who you wish you were, but also not really.
Whatever your insta-style, we love seeing all your Instagram pics! Here's Your Instagram Pics We Loved This Week
Image credit: Emtalks