Ah, past me, how stupid you were: laughing at Trump, thinking he was just a joke. Look at you now, you magnificent idiot, living in a world ruled by Trump. Now that Obama and Michelle are off on their next adventure (hopefully involving more Carpool Karaoke) and the world is pretty much doomed—what with Trump, climate change, and Shannon Noll getting arrested—we thought we'd put together a bucket list of sorts to make sure we go out swinging. Dramatic? Us? Never.
- Buy fake tan en masse and trigger a global shortage. Hey, you've gotta hit 'em where it hurts.
- Likewise with toupes.
- Start taking lessons for that language you keep talking about, Trump loooveess multiculturalism. It would make him so proud.
- Blast your aircon, use aerosols, buy a f*ck-off big 4WD...The environment is pretty much rooted now right?
- Tell your crush you like them.
- Stand up to that mean ibis that has stolen your lunch one too many times. Don't hurt him though, just use your words.
- Put your Australian passport in a frame, because it's about to get very valuable.
- Finally, clean out that drawer. You know the one. The 'stuff draw', it's about that time.
- Get your car serviced. Surely we aren't the only ones who go like, 28 years between a service.
- Binge on RuPaul's Drag Race. If you haven't started yet, welcome. If you've seen it all already, do it again.
Sounds easy enough, right? 2017 is going to be a great year, if we can just tick off these ten simple things, obvs.
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