Breaking up is hard to do. We say, rather than subject your former heart throb to the misery and humiliation that a break up outside Subway will no doubt cause, why not treat the poor sap to one last meal that's so darn tasty, that, for a few minutes at least, they'll forget the looming, ominous prospect of a future without your fine self, and hopefully be sufficiently distracted by the great food they forget to hate your guts/you borrowed those CDs and never gave them back.
Typically, when the hard word has been lain down, if you're halfway through your meal it can feel like a massive faux pas to keep on eating—especially if half of your party is sobbing into their plate. But break up at one of these fine dining establishments and you'll both be compelled to keep on eating until the last delicious crumb's gone, no matter how uncomfortable the conversation gets.
You may as well both take some good memories away from the event, even if they are just memories of the great chow. With that in mind here are our top 7 spots to break up:
Wagaya | When privacy is what you need, then Wagaya is the spot for you. Not only are the booths dark and screened off from each other, creating intimate little pockets perfect for soul-searching and insult-hurling, but Wagaya has a very techy ordering system, where the menu and orders are placed on tablet computers at your table. So there's no need for the waiter to witness you squabbling over the wine choice, or hearing about that one time you didn't notice her haircut.
The Survey Co. | Survey Co is ideally positioned for dump-age, conveniently located in Burnett Lane, home to many a hip watering hole for your recently disposed to drown their sorrows in after dinner. But first, the meal, and inevitable conversation, has to take place. The danger with Survey Co. is you might spend too long arguing about what to order; the line up of creative Asian-inspired menu options makes choosing tough. So pass the buck and ask your waiter (though you can't go wrong with the peppered brisket and spicy siriacha 'slaw, or the pork belly hot pot.)
Beccofino | Italians are great at expressing themselves. So, what better place to get your Public Display of Emotion on than an Italian restaurant? And what better Italian restaurant to do it at than New Farm's Beccofino, where the loud voices and extravagant gesturing will fit right in, and then stop completely once the pizza's come out ('cause it's tough to throw abuse while your mouth's full).
Little Tokyo | The art of distraction is going to help you make this as painless as possible. What you need is a bit of showmanship, and we have just the place. Make like Houdini and keep them dazzled while you oh-so-casually break the news at Little Tokyo, in Spring Hill. A teppan-yaki chef will cook up a bevvy of tempting treats to taste, right before your eyes. And hopefully your guest will be so thrown by the meat flying every which way that they won't notice the soul-crushing news you've just delivered.
Happy Little Dumplings | If you wanted to be insensitive, you could say a good break up is like pulling off a Bandaid. Do it quick, get in, get out, and maybe tide them over with something tasty on the way. Happy Little Dumplings, in Bulimba, is just the spot for the fast breakup. It's hard to feel morose when you're perched on an astro-turf lawn, tucking into a freshly made duck dumpling.
Aria | Aria is a beautiful restaurant and, as such, enjoys popularity as a great venue to propose, hold a wedding, or generally woo someone into submission. But the same charming, soft lighting and stunning views can work in your favour when the romantic agenda is not so favourable. Go out with a bang, and make your last meal as a couple, and your first meal as friends (wishful thinking?), a special event with a three-course feast at Aria. At best, you'll make some lovely memories and demonstrate your commitment to an ongoing platonic future together. At worst, you'll have a great vintage thrown in your face, and three lonely (but delicious) courses to console you.
Gerard's Bistro | What better way to demonstrate how they should have behaved with the remote, than tucking into one of Gerard's share plates? Make a last ditch effort at cooperation and divvy up the suckling pig, pear, walnuts, Jerusalem artichoke, and perilla plate in a delicious division of property.