Right, you're here, in the article right now. So I'm assuming that you know what you're in for... a procession of equally amazing and hideous outfit choices from the Met Gala today. Also, if you're here, you know you can't avoid the Kardashians. So let's get this out of the way first, shall we?
The Kardashians Because We Have To
Yep, they get their own section, and yep, you have to read about them. It's not my fault, I'm actually legally bound to cover their outfits here. I may have a gun to my head right now. So... I guess we start with the original and the best? Here's Kim, wearing two disco balls on her boobs. I think she took the future theme a little too literally, and went for a silver version of C3PO.
Look, it's mini Kim, come to take the title of most over-saturated reality celeb in Hollywood! Watch out Kim, she takes better selfies than you, and is at least 25 years younger.
Oh thank god they didn't all come in matching outfits. Kendall looks so good, the girl behind her is like dayum girl.
Kris Jenner plus Kanye substitute
Can I get the number of Kris' plastic surgeon? I need a wax figure made, and feel he'd be excellent at it. Kris looks great, minus the choker.
Kweens of the Ball
You know you love it. Even though it's skin coloured latex. And it has puffy sleeves AND hundreds and thousands all over it. AND she has Jennifer Aniston hair circa Friends.
I mean, look at this girl. She's even wearing the victor's wreath from the Hunger Games, because she slayed all her competition.
Cinderella IRL has just showed up to the Ball, and she's taken our breath away. Ugh, Danes, you babe.
I just love this. It's very Versace, yah yah, dahling—but somehow Demi pulls it off, looking like our generation's Demi Moore. (This is a good thing.)
With a nod to a galaxy far, far away, Nicole absolutely rocks this stunning sheath covered in stars. She is our Australian Queen, bow down and accept that Keith Urban has become our king by proxie. Kind of feel like he'd just be so chuffed rn?
Emma Watson always rocks something sophisticated and just a touch quirky. The hint of hip, the asymmetric neckline, the train—it's all so fashun without trying too hard.
I would totally bang this gold robot.
Quirky, cool and totally chic. Miranda Kerr shows UP on the red carpet, and reminds us all that she's a certified hottie.
Kind of digging this weird 90s naked chic? Tina Arena's Chains is soundtracking this outfit rn for me.
I kind of want to roll around on Zoe Saldana's garden-train and look up at her and say, softly, 'let's be best friends.' Then fall asleep as she drags me around the party.
Sarah Jessica Parker
She's wearing the SATC shoes whilst channelling pirate chic. The end.
You Really Don't Want To Be Here, Do You
The Olsen Twins
Their eyes are really wide open because they can see their stalker in the crowd, mouthing, 'I want to wear your nana robes to the opera...'
Still a silent prisoner of Scientology, Katie clearly still wears the mental scars from Tom's Oprah-couch-moment.
Grumpy cat, is that you?
No Comment... Ok, We'll Comment
Kate Hudson, Donatella Versace
I can only assume Kate is trying to enforce a citizen's arrest on Donatella for doing this to her.
Madonna? Oh, ok, we're back here are we Gaga. AND THINGS WERE GOING SO WELL.
That's some Khloe Kardashian level camel toe you're rocking there, Lena.
Side glance says, 'dude, if this gets in worst dressed tomorrow, imma kill you and bury you in your mariachi outfit.'
Has anyone seen Mars Attacks?
When bad styling choices happen to good people.
YES WE GET IT YOU LIKE TO WEAR NAKED DRESSES.
Can we have the old Taylor back now?
Don't act like you're surprised that she turned up in a giant yellow omelette with yellow thigh high socks. I'm pretty sure yesterday I was all like, 'she'll definitely turn up in a giant yellow omelette with yellow thigh high socks.' And here we are.
Image credit: Getty Images