Miss Kay's | Image credit: Esteban Rivera
WARNING: this list is definitely NSFW. Not only is it guaranteed to induce at-desk drooling, but it's also a little... naughty. We're talking naked pops, juicy buns and everything sticky, salty and sweet.
Whatever your dirty little food secret, we've pulled together a list of indulgences that will make you shout "Umami, that's the spot!"
We've split it up by guilt pleasure too, so you can easily get your fix when cravings take over. Call us doughnut pushers or burger pimps if you want—we'll call you when the pizza is on its way.
It's a Wing Thing
When it comes to finger-licking feeds, wing it to Buffalo Bar, where a dedicated wings menu includes variations such as Alabama Creamed Corn, Dr Pepper Ketchup and Spiced Mexican Cacao.
But before Buffalo Bar, there was Yard Bird. If you like your wings to come with a ring of fire, surrender your senses (and sense) to the Death Sentence.
We're happy to say food truck King of The Wings is wholly deserving of their regal title, and our favourite alley cat Greaser Bar gets a mention for their fried chicken with smoky chipotle mayo (seriously, level up to Greaser next time you're tempted by a KFC binge).
Fries Get the Guys
There are stacks of chip teases around town—a good burger should always be accompanied by some crunchy, golden batons—but Red Hook hits the trifecta with their thin, salt-and-vinegar champion fries, moreish battered pickles and the now-permanent cheese and bacon loaded fries.
Burger Kings (and Queens)
While Ben's Burgers was busy nailing the humble cheeseburger, Miss Kay's came along and revolutionised the Brisbane burger game with her Ludakrisp, Porky Pig and MK Special. We're secretly hoping Ben and Miss Kay will get together and make beautiful burger babies.
The most epic of all greasy spoons, however, is Getta Burger, where marinated apples and a serve of chips are common patty toppings. The 12-hour smoked beef brisket with slaw is an absolute must.
To really set the bathroom scales on fire, keep an eye out for Chur Burger's special 'Return of the Mac', which has a secret truffled mac 'n cheese surprise inside. It's the best, Jerry. The best.
Say Mac 'n' Cheese
Speaking of mac 'n cheese, our friends over at South Side Diner are still rocking the 2-for-1 mac Mondays, with a very delicate and delicious green pea and goats cheese number, or smoked chicken and blue cheese.
On the other side of the river, N'awlins inspired Papa Jack's does a pretty mean truffled mac 'n cheese with a crunchy, crumbly parmesan crust for double cheesy goodness.
A Slice of Life (aka Pizza)
The rules of pizza are simple: it should never be limited to 'cheap Tuesday', should never, EVER have anything inserted into the crust, and you should feel no shame when you demolish an entire margherita in one sitting.
Tinderbox Kitchen know their way around a pie, with authentic woodfired pizzas including a delicious potato, rosemary, bacon, leek, chilli and three-cheese creation (yep, that's all on one pizza).
Sorellina also craft pizzas to strict traditional guidelines worthy of any Napoli pizzeria, while newcomer Pizzeria Violetta has gourmet pies down pat. For all things saucy, think Sugo Mi. Seriously, it's in the name (sugo = sauce).
We All Scream For Ice Cream
Cocowhip is all well and good, but it ain't got nothin' on the real stuff. Cowch has brought the nostalgic act of putting sprinkles on Sizzler soft serve into adulthood with their Naked Pops: five base flavours, four dipping options, and a buffet of toppings.
Go Nuts For Doughnuts
Master of frankenfoods, Chocolate Komberry Co. have brought us many moments of joy at the Eat Street Markets with their croughnuts and cruffins. Now you're speaking our language!
Get in early for freshly baked delights at Doughnut Time's dual locations ('sup, Clayfield?), including a sneaky bowl of Hot Bites. There's no resisting the humble Butternut, with its wicked burnt butter glaze and pistachio crumble.
Donut Boyz have also doubled their presence with a new Paddo locale, meaning extra opportunities to reach jam-filled, meringue-topped nirvana.
Have Your Cake & Eat It Too
Peanut butter cheesecake with embedded Reese's Pieces? Grown-up fairy bread cake? Rainbow freaking layer cake?? Chester Street Bakery, we want your cakes inside us. Eyeing off that Tim-Tam Slam shake too...
For adult's only baked goods, look no further than the booze-spiked cupcakes from Fiori Bakehouse. One chocolate and Baileys thanks, hold the chocolate.
Brownies make everything better. If you truly heart brownies, swing by the aptly named Bakery Lane and pick-and-mix a box from I Heart Brownies. A double chocolate, Turkish delight and Jaffa should definitely be in the medley.
Of course, there's no denying Dello Mano bake a mean brownie, spruiked by locals and celebrities alike, but it's Amy's Brownies from Noosa Chocolate Factory that sell like hotcakes every Wednesday morning. Get your fix quick, good people!
What's your guilty pleasure food? We didn't even get around to waffles, pasta, hot dogs, tacos, dumplings, hot chocolate or cheese. It's too much... it's all just too much. Yet somehow not enough?