So you’ve blown your car loan repayments on scented candles and you’ve heard whispers that you can also chew through your house deposit with a few ‘spenny brekkies, right? We hear you, but we also don’t want you to settle for just smashed avo on your way to destroying any and all future financial security, so we’ve compiled a list of ten brekkie dishes it’s totally worth blowing your house deposit on.
#1 Smokey Salmon Scrambled at Proud Mary
The first place you need to visit on your quest to eliminating any prospect of owning a property better than a studio apartment three hours from the city centre, is Proud Mary. Go straight to the counter and ask for the ‘Smokey salmon scrambled’. This culmination of pink peppercorns, chilli, scrambled eggs and fennel salad on wholegrain sourdough toast is definitely worth perpetual tenancy.
#2 Hokey Pokey Hot Cakes at Legacy
The next hot spot you need to hit is Camberwell’s Legacy café where you must insist on the Hokey Pokey Hot Cakes with honeycomb, orange ricotta, vanilla bean, crème fraîche, pomegranate, and strawberries. Throw in a double shot soy latte to really burn a hole through that wallet.
#3 Nutella Pana Cotta at Penta
Penta café’s Nutella Pana Cotta with nut butter banana sushi, honey joy crumble, strawberries, pomegranate molasses, and torched marshmallows screams homelessness (and pre-diabetes).
#4 Coffee Waffles at Middletown
Head on over to Prahan’s Middletown Café and basically throw your money at the waiter because the guys there serve up an incredible Coffee Waffles with textures of strawberries, truffle honey and vanilla ice cream that’ll make affording a house in the next two decades absolutely laughable.
#5 Eggs Benedict at Top Paddock
By now your parents have almost definitely staged an intervention and have confiscated all your bankcards. Fortunately the bloody geniuses at Apple have invented a way to pay with your phone, so there’s no excuse not to pop down to Top Paddock for their Eggs Benedict: a delicious plate of jowl, poached eggs, yuzu compressed apple, maple bacon crumb and béarnaise on baguette.
#6 Nutrition Bomb at Serotonin Eatery
The good news is, even though you may have destroyed any chance of ever owning a house, the good people at Seratonin Eatery can make sure you’re happy about it. Combat the no-house blues with their Nutrition Bomb; a big rainbow bowl with a poached egg, broccoli, kale, house-made hummus, roasted veggies, nuts, seeds, pickled sauerkraut, mushrooms, avocado and feta.
#7 Triple Cheesy Toast at The Stables of Como
If you still think you could still probably afford a one bedroom townhouse in Frankston, a quick trip to The Stables of Como will knock some sense into you. Ask for the Triple cheesy toast embellished with apricot and ginger chutney and gypsy ham.
#8 Brûlée French Toast at Auction Rooms
Hell, while you’re at it, why not visit the good folks at North Melbourne’s Auction Rooms café for a big ol’ plate of Brûlée French Toast with passionfruit labné, glazed strawberries, macadamia crumble and white chocolate ganâche.
#9 Zucchini, Quinoa & Beetroot Fritters at Drugstore Espresso
At this point you’re basically throwing money away, and good on you, renting is the dream. Head over to South Yarra’s Drugstore Espresso to really enjoy your new permanent tenant lifestyle. Endugle in the zucchini, quinoa & beetroot fritters on a bed of cauliflower and pumpkin purée, served with leafy greens, bitter melon, radish, pomegranate and fennel, dressed with saffron aoili.
#10 Brioche Gelato Burger at Long Story Short
Congratulations. You probably can’t even afford rent now. Celebrate with an off-the-menu Brioche Gelato Burger from Long Story Short. The dessert burger is filled with fruit pieces, fruit jellies and honeycomb gelato, topped with pink fairy floss, white chocolate #mixnmatcha sauce and drizzled with magic dust and popping candy and a coconut milk pour-over.
Price: $who cares
Image Credit: Griffin Simm (Coffee Waffles at Middletown)