Funny

32 Thoughts You’ve Had As A Christmas Casual

By James Shackell - 25 Oct 2017

christmas-casual-work


If there’s a big, metaphorical ladder that represents your career, being a Christmas Casual is a bit like being hit over the head with it. Repeatedly. It’s a right of passage, sure, but the hours, pay, and missing out on all the partays can be a total drag. Sound familiar?

Well, this festive season, you’re in massive luck because there is totally an app for that. We know, we wish we thought of it too. Introducing, Sidekicker. The app lets you choose when and where you work, earn money (obvs) and maybe even learn something new. It’s essentially your one-stop shop (see what we did there? Shop, geddit?) for a ripper silly season.

And, because we’re all in this together, here are 32 thoughts we’ve all had as a Christmas casual.

  1. Go to University, they said. Dream big, they said.
  2. If I keep working at this current salary, I will have paid off my HECs/HELP debt by the time I am 374.
  3. Wait, this training session is voluntary? Did you guys get the memo on this?
  4. Organising shifts is more complicated than Judith Butler’s performative gender theory.
  5. Damn! I am surprisingly good at wrapping presents.
  6. I mean, look at that corner! You could cut yourself on that corner.
  7. I wonder if there’s any way I can monetise this...
  8. Businesses would be so much better if they didn’t have customers.
  9. This Target shirt is beginning to itch. Cotton-blend my ass.
  10. Man I hope no-one from school sees me here.
  11. Oh crap, it’s <insert name of good-looking and wealthy school contemporary who still lives in parents’ mansion>
  12. Hide! Look busy!
  13. My latte art is getting better. That blob could totally be a swan in flight.
  14. Someone treated me like a human being. Humanity is alright.
  15. People are scum.
  16. One shift does not a sustainable income make.
  17. Six shifts this week? Sh*t yeah.
  18. Who knew there was this much money in the world?   
  19. This must be how Jean Ralphio from Parks & Rec feels all the time.
  20. How many coffees a day is too many coffees?
  21. You’re a small-time manager, mate, not Donald Trump.
  22. My fingernails are vibrating. No more coffee.
  23. Maybe if I look worried and angry, people will assume I’m doing things.
  24. Worked for George Costanza.
  25. Man, Seinfeld’s a good show. I should watch a few eps tonight.
  26. Would I mind working on Christmas Day? Sorry, what?
  27. At least there’ll be penalty rates.
  28. ...oh, wait.
  29. I’m totally gonna be one of the three people they’re keeping on in January.
  30. Janine is kidding herself. Her coffee blobs don’t even look like swans.
  31. Oh you ran out of resources? Budget constraints? Yeah I understand.
  32. Later guys. PS. I’ve been siphoning money from the till for weeks.

All jokes aside, Christmas Casual work has got a bit better in recent years (for shift-searchers and the business that shift them). If you need help finding staff or finding work, we found a website that eases the pain. 

Image credit: Two Broke Girls

Our best stories, direct to your inbox, helping you to out-trend your mates every weekend...

Tags:

Funny

You May Also Like