Designed by fitspo queen Kayla Itsines, the fan-dubbed “BBG” guides has one of the biggest fitness followings across the globe. If you’ve managed to digitally side-step this fitness trend, BBG stands for “Bikini Body Guides” and consists of three high-intensity exercises per week, for twelve weeks.
The training plan also comes with HELP (aka Healthy Eating and Lifestyle Plan) guides to nudge you in the right direction. With bikini season threatening, we decided to try Kayla’s BBG program for one week.
Hint: It’s a lot harder than it looks.
According to my all-knowing Instagram feed, Sunday is dubbed “meal prep day” by people who are a) not hungover and b) have their lives together. I drag my tired butt to a Sunday market because that’s the sort of thing healthy, put-together people do right? RIGHT?
Reading through Kayla’s 60-page HELP food guide (I’m not exaggerating) is surprisingly enlightening. I particularly like the part where she explains my morning blueberry muffin will take me, roughly, two and a half hours to burn off. Goodbye muffin man.
According to the food plans, I should aim to eat six serves of grains (white bread doesn’t count), five serves of vegetables and two serves of fruit—something I should probably already know as a legal adult. Kayla also lists recommended dairy, lean meat, healthy fats and water intake. There’s a vegetarian HELP guide for the non-carnivorous too.
It literally takes me an hour and an embarrassing amount of scrap paper to work out my nutrients and meals for the week. A few hours and a full sink later, I’ve prepped all my lunches and dinners for the week.
I resist the urge to eat a double chocolate brownie for breakfast because this is the legit state of my health at the moment. I realise that I’ve forgotten to leave time to prepare breakfast and snacks for the day.
I pick up a skinny latte and two pieces of plain, multigrain toast on the way to work. No butter, no jam, because they are not Kayla-approved condiments. Feeling very sorry for myself and it isn’t even 9am.
I postponed the Monday workout until Tuesday morning—because who has the motivation to workout on Monday?
As a reasonably active person, I look over the set of exercises and think “this doesn’t look too hard”. Seven minutes in and I’m almost entirely incapacitated on the floor and burpees are my new enemy.
I smash some grilled salmon on brown rice with fresh greens and tomato for lunch. Doesn’t taste half bad and I’m amazed that I don’t miss my usual 3pm sweet snack.
Try to start the morning off with a second workout for the week but I accidentally don’t get out of bed.
It’s plain tuna on brown rice with cucumber for dinner today. It’s definitely not one of the more enjoyable meals i've ever had. My partner lathered his sushi in sriracha, soy sauce and an ungodly amount of kewpie mayonnaise. I’m not-so-secretly jealous.
With the help of my offensive spaceship alarm, I’m up and about at 5.30am. By 7am the workout is done and dusted, plus I have time to prepare a breakfast of oats with blueberries. It tastes like creamy heaven and I can’t fathom why I haven’t been eating oats every single day. I oat to have been eating more.
On a side note, while doing some oat-y research, there are people in the world that add egg whites and/or strips of zucchini to their early bird breakfast. I’m secretly incredibly intrigued.
I make the egg-oats-milk bowl for breakfast, despite my partner’s poorly concealed disgust. It’s fluffier and creamier than my egg white-free version and I’m secretly loving it.
I complete the final workout for the week, albeit slightly (very) slowly and a little (very) poorly. My non-existent abs hurt alright? I resist a souvlaki at work because I’ve already made it this far. “The chicken salad is just as good,” I chant to myself.
No visible loss of cellulite or magical abs, but I’m surprised how filling real, nutritious food can be! Then again, I am writing this one handed. The other hand is full of doughnuts.
Need more exercises to do at home? Check out the 7 YouTube Workouts we tried!
Image credit: The Simpsons