Complaining talking about the weather is more or less a sport in Melbourne—except it’s actually more popular than sport because everyone participates in it. So how does Melbourne prepare for the hell that is winter? Besides investing in the cheapest umbrella they can find, that is?
Here are 36 ways our city preps for the long haul. Winter is coming...
- Complain to every man and his dog about daylight savings dragging on.
- Read an Age article about electricity price hikes.
- Share electricity price hikes with colleagues.
- Complain about electricity price hikes.
- Shop for more black clothes, but find that nothing is black enough to go with your current black selection, so you leave empty handed.
- Go for a second shopping expedition and buy all the vaguely black clothing you can find.
- Layer up all your black clothing, so that it matches your winter-hating mood.
- Slap your friend who reminds you how much you complained about the heat.
- Go to the market and stock up on winter veggies with the good intention of making soup.
- Get home and realise you can’t make soup because you can’t cook. Because this is Melbourne and no one cooks.
- Research ‘Melbourne’s Best Pho’.
- Print off the take away menus from the top five of the best pho joints.
- Research 'Melbourne's Best Ramen'.
- Get a Netflix account.
- Map out your Netflix viewing for the next three months.
- Bitch about how ugly down jackets are.
- Go and buy a down jacket.
- Do not remove your down jacket for the next five months.
- Ponder what you’re going to wear on your feet now that it’s too cold for Birkenstocks.
- Shop for winter boots.
- Realise the only ones you like are from Acne and that you’ll need to sell a kidney to afford them.
- Wonder if you can get away with wearing your Nike Airs for the whole of winter.
- Buy an electric blanket.
- Remember the electricity price hike article.
- Install electric blanket anyway, but don’t tell housemates.
- Have an argument with housemates about what the acceptable temperature is to turn the heating on.
- Become the queen of ‘lounge wear’.
- Buy new Uggs.
- Buy new fleecy trackpants.
- Buy an ugly but snuggly hoodie that you tell yourself is only for ‘couch time’.
- Wear your ugly hoodie to the supermarket. With your trackies. And uggs.
- Ease out of exercise. No one exercises in winter.
- Complain about how footy obsessed Melbourne is.
- Go to the footy at least five times.
- Complain about the cold at the footy wearing your ugly hoodie.
- Buy more black clothes.
Don't want to think about winter yet? Try all of the activities on our Autumn Bucket List, and remain firmly in denial that it's getting colder.
Image credit: Game Of Thrones