When the mercury rises high enough in Australia that it stops snowing on Tasmanian beaches in November (??), you know Melbourne’s about to throw down some OTT cheeseboards that’ll make Easy Mac taste like KFC moist towelettes. Luckily for you, we’ve rounded up the best of the bunch so you don’t have to spend hours sampling le incrediblé cheeses and trolling through beautiful Instagram feeds like we did #blessed.
Here are 10 hotspots for our fave OTT cheeseboards.
This Argentinian bar and restaurant has got it goin' onnn (it = delish and extravagant cheeseboards). Order the Vigilante for one at San Telmo and get a delish selection of cheeses with muscatels and quince paste for just 12 dollarinos, or $18 for two and $22 for three (somebody call the police, this is an absolutely steal).
The Grace Darling Hotel
The Grace Darling Hotel has a 2 ($35) and 3 ($45) course set menu that includes an antipasto plate filled with cured meats, cheeses, pickles, seasonal vegetables, condiments and house baked bread (YASSS).
At Fitzroy North’s Neighbourhood Wine, you have the choice of various cheeses which come accompanied with bread and butter, pickles, muscatels, fresh fruit, lavosh and almond water. Better yet, there are over 400 wines of various varieties and vintages, from a range of artisanal winemakers all over the world. If you like your cheeseboards with a slice of ~faaaaaancy~, this is the place to visit.
Underwood Wine Bar
Underwood Wine Bar is another Fitzroy North dwelling and also a self-declared independent wine bar who proudly support passionate, local producers, which is bloody awesome—you should all go and spend your money there. These guys put on a weekly rotating selection of Australian cheeses accompanied by an array of juicy nibbles.
Milk The Cow
St Kilda & Carlton
Milk The Cow is an absolute cheese institution on the Melbourne food scene, with locations in both St Kilda and Carlton. These guys not only serve up jaw-dropping-out-of-this-world-AMAZE cheese and wine/cider/sparkling/beer/everything-ever pairings, but their staff knows more about cheese than I do about the entire plot timeline of McLeod’s daughters—which is dangerously heaps.
You can just tell from the name that you can trust these bad boys with a board of the good stuff (still talking about cheese, guys, stay with me). Shifty Chèvre stocks predominantly Australian and French imported cheese. They offer ‘Shifty Cheeseboards’ packed with five kinds of cheese of the week selected by their in-house cheese monger. They each come with the optional sides of prosciutto and chorizo, green salad, Sicilian olives, a charcuterie plate of saucisson and even some extra crackers. Their menu also includes cheese fondue and baked Camembert which aren’t cheeseboards per say, but are intensely delicious and a crime not to mention.
The CBD’s Bar 1806 serves cheese and garnishes with bread and lavosh (3 for $27 or 5 for $38) as well the OG OTT cheeseboard; the Chef’s Board. This mac daddy of the cheese platter world contains no less than 5 meats, 5 kinds of cheese, rillettes, chicken liver pate, pickles and toast, and is a hundi puh-cent the best way to spend $75 in Melbourne (BEST. WAY.).
Bellota Wine Bar
South Melbourne’s Bellota Wine Bar is a high-stakes contender in the Melbourne cheeseboard game. They serve a house selection of three cheeses served with fresh fruit, muscatel raisins and baguette bread.
Bohemian Bar And Restaurant
The Bohemian Bar and Restaurant in South Wharf similarly put on a delicious spread of 3 Spanish cheeses with lavosh, tomato marmalade and grapes.
Ok, take a seat, because this dairy oasis serves NO LESS than 5 cheeseboards. At Boilermaker House, you can choose from three ploughman’s platters: a) 2 cheeses, 3 meats, pate and pickles, b) 3 cheeses, 4 meats, pate, terrine, pickles and olives, c) 3 cheeses, selected hams, pate and pickles. As well as two cheeseboards: d) 3 cheeses (hard, soft and blue) and e) five cheeses. There’s also popcorn in blue cheese salt, guys. I’m deadly serious.
Image credit: Dairy Australia