The folk of the west are a rare breed and are often commonly referred to as the ‘raw dogs’ of Melbourne. This is partly because of the Western Bulldogs’ premiership win in 2016, but mostly due to the mass food poisoning of 2012 when a food truck parked at Footscray station served halal snack packs with raw chicken. Either way, it’s a beautiful part of the world to come from.
You know you’re from the west when...
- Trips from the airport only cost a few dollars in tolls and not your first-born child.
- It takes longer to work out the name of a local business in Footscray than the AFL team it supports.
- You have to take a day of annual leave to go to IKEA.
- You’ve never heard of a cruffin.
- But you could still find the best HSP in Melbourne after seven Jagerbombs and a bottle of Gossips red.
- You have the Melbourne Cup marked on your calendar, not because you’re going, but to remind yourself not to go grocery shopping that day.
- The maximum wait time for a table at brunch on Sunday is ten minutes, but only because there’s a ten-minute delay on the Craigieburn line and you’re waiting for your friend.
- You HATE the Craigieburn line.
- You’ve never been to Craigieburn but you assume it’s a lot like those ‘Neighbours At War’ segments on Today Tonight.
- Laksa King is your go-to meal when you can’t be fecked making dinner.
- You think people who drive in the left-hand lane on Elliot Avenue—even though they know it merges right— want to watch the world burn.
- You never thought you’d be ok with seeing a large-scale mural of Pauline Hanson every day.
- You can’t spell
- And you pronounce it ‘pr-ah-n’.
- You don’t understand why people complain about public transport costs because you never touch on when you catch the bus.
- You lie awake at night wondering if that car wash business in the Highpoint car park has ever had a customer.
- You order a banh mi from any other part of town and call it a salad roll.
- Every single child under ten on your street plays Auskick.
- Visitors don’t know how to find your street because the street sign is sitting on the mantelpiece in your living room.
- You never have, and never will own a car that’s not a Toyota.
- You’re not sure what ‘halal’ is, but it tastes good.
- It’s quicker to get to the Bluey in Ballarat than it is to get a Long Island Iced Tea at Asian Beer Cafe.
- You’ve only been to Chapel Street once and it was to see Pitch Perfect 2 at Jam Factory.
Hail from the east? Well, you're covered here.
Image credit: Western Bulldogs