27 Things That Will Happen While Christmas Shopping At The Mall

By Urban List Writers
11th Dec 2017

27 Things That Will Happen While Christmas Shopping At The Mall

It’s that time of year. Yep, we’re speaking about Christmas. And, while we love a good shop here at The Urban List, doing so in the build-up to the most festive day of the year brings a whole new level of pain and suffering—especially when it comes to malls. And yet, every damn year we do it. Whyyyyy??

It's the same thing year in and year out—here are 27 things that will happen while Christmas shopping at the mall.

  1. At least three cars will jump the queue and take your park.
  2. You’ll ditch your ethics and try to do the same to some poor unsuspecting sod.   
  3. Except you’ll choose the wrong car and they don’t care if they hit you.
  4. You’ll go back to your nice ways while literally weeping in frustration.
  5. After the hour it takes you to find a park you’ll hit the mall ready to kill.
  6. You’ll want to lie down in a sweaty heap in the cool, cool air-conditioning.
  7. But there’s people. Alllll the people. Who knew Auckland had so many damn PEOPLE?
  8. And the noise! Why the hell is it so damn loud?
  9. Even though you love kids, you’ll feel like Miss Hannigan and want to start drinking, no matter what the hour.
  10. The queue at Kmart will literally drape around half the store.
  11. You’ll consider ditching Christmas this year.
  12. The minimalism trend? You’ll suddenly want to hop on it.
  13. You’ll pay three times the price for cards.
  14. Sheer rage will build from knowing most of this shit will be half price on Boxing Day.
  15. You’ll kick yourself for not being more f*cking organised this year.
  16. No matter how high or how low you look, you won’t find anything for your SO.
  17. So you’ll decide on a cool experience instead. Purchased online.
  18. You’ll get stuck behind a group of teens who are walking five abreast.
  19. Shopkeepers will make you feel as though you’re ruining their day.
  20. And then make you feel guilty when you refuse their up-sell.
  21. You’ll realise that malls are where Christmas songs came to die.
  22.  After four hours you’ll discover that you’re only half way through shopping.
  23. Feeling so ravenous you’re ready to eat your arm, you’ll ignore every health food staring at you and head straight to McD’s.
  24. Failing to find a seat, you’ll stuff the burger in your face and vow to finish shopping within the hour.
  25. So you’ll start buying whatever for who ever.
  26. Your arms will ache, your feet will ache, every damn thing will ache.
  27. And so you’ll leave exhausted, a shadow of your former self.

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Image Credit: Love Actually

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