Funny

10 Thoughts Everyone Has When They Dine With Stingy Friends

By Emily St John - 01 Sep 2018

We all have one of those mates. The friend that consistently gets out of paying for things and no one ever pulls them up on it.

We feel your pain when it comes to split bills, and so does ANZ who have introduced the cutting edge ANZ BladePay™ device. By simplifying the payment process, you’ll spend less time arguing over how much you owe and more time catching up with your friends.

Just so you know you’re not alone, here are ten thoughts we’ve all had when that friend conveniently wriggles out of their share yet again…

Wish your next restaurant bill could be split painlessly? Well, it could with ANZ BladePay™. 

“Where does your paycheck go?”

You know they get paid, they have one of those things called a ‘job’. Yet every time you go out with them they say, “I’ve got no money.” Well, they’ve got more money than you do, because you’re always left to cover the bill!

“I thought you weren’t hungry?”

They agreed to come out to dinner but prefaced the meal by saying they had a big lunch and probably wouldn’t eat much. Maybe just a cheese board. Oh, well add on an entree then. You pour them a glass from your bottle of red. Then when the check comes, they remind you they weren’t that hungry to start. But they still ate the same as you did. Why is your wallet lighter?

“Stop buying cryptocurrency if you can’t pay for a coffee!”

If we have to hear about cryptocurrency and how it’s the way of the future one more time, we’re gonna scream. But that mate who has invested their life savings into it has yet to see a return. So while they’re telling you about the latest market share blah, blah, you’re so blind sighted by boredom you pay the whole bill just so you can leave.

“You over-ordered, and now we’re splitting the bill in HALF!?”

They order $40 worth of coffees, green juices and a brunch bowl, while your poached eggs on toast and a long black couldn’t be more than $15. But when the waiter comes over to settle the bill your mate passes over their card while saying, “We’ll make it easy for you and just halve it.” ‘Cos that’s fair.

“When is it ever ‘your round’?”

The trouble with buying ‘rounds’ is it always ends up uneven. Whether it be drinks or your turn to get dinner, never trust that mate to make good on that loose promise, “I’ll get the next round”. There’s never a next round.

“That was meant to be the tip.”

Good service deserves good compensation. But one mate will always lunge for the change when it comes back to the table, saying they put in more than they did. “Just leave it as a tip,” another friend says. They won’t. Sigh.

“You’re terrible at maths.”

Let’s be real; we all have calculators on our phones. While once splitting a bill between a group of eight was hard, it’s now dead easy. Or at least it should be until that mate starts divvying it up in their head and forgetting their share of corkage.

“Funny how you always ‘forget’ your wallet…”

Is anyone really that forgetful? Once, sure. Twice, maybe. Every single time? Not very likely.

“I owe you how much?”

So you get to the end of the meal and your mate starts by saying, “Do you remember that time five years ago when I bought you that movie ticket,” before gesturing to the bill, “Call it even?” What movie? Were we even friends five years ago? Headspin.

“Will you actually ‘transfer me’?”

In the age of Internet banking and tap and go, the lack of cash in people’s wallets has spawned the common phrase, ‘I’ll transfer you’. No, you won’t. You don’t even have my bank details.

For more great content, check out the ANZ BladePay™ hub here.

This article is proudly sponsored by ANZ and endorsed by The Urban List. Thank you for supporting the sponsors who make The Urban List possible. To find out more about who we work with and why, check out our editorial policy here.

Disclaimer: Eligibility criteria, terms and conditions, fees and charges apply to ANZ BladePay™ and third party apps developed by POS vendors. Use and potential benefits of ANZ BladePay™ require an app built by a POS vendor with appropriate functionality. ANZ is not responsible for apps developed by third parties.

Image credit: Michelle Jarni

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