Funny

21 Things Only Bridesmaids Understand

By Simone Jovel - 11 May 2017

bridesmaid

Who doesn’t love a wedding? And who my dear friends, doesn’t just love, love? By love I mean the kind of free and unlimited booze that you only get at a wedding. But what makes a wedding at least 147% times better? Well that one’s obvious. It’s being asked to be part of the inner circle, that super cute and hot AF girl gang made up of the bride’s besties—or is it?

So before you post a big ol’ fat—OMG stop it! It’s such an HONOUR to be your MAID! #BFF4Life #LetsGetYouHitched, read this.

  1. The bride bubble is real. It will set up shop around your bestie at a yet to be determined time and will likely last until the day in question.
  2. All of a sudden you will become an oracle of all things—flowers, dresses, table settings, life, you name it, you are all over that shit.
  3. She might even listen to you occasionally, just for funsies.
  4. You’ll never be able to wear that dress again.
  5. From around the six month mark the considerate thing to do is to run any potential hairstyle changes past the bride. If she wants you in a French twist, she wants you in a French twist #vision. 
  6. Low-key brides are in reality worse than your token bridezilla. Remaining silent and disagreeing mentally with any (and all) of your brilliant suggestions.
  7. Cancel your Sunday arvo plans; they will now be spent crafternooning.
  8. There’s a solid chance you’ll be wearing stilettos on grass.
  9. She wants a stripper. She just doesn’t know it yet.
  10. There will be tears at the hens. Everything will be fine in the morning.
  11. Your tan will likely be a few shades darker than you’d like.
  12. You’ll want to hit at least one of the other maids in the face (softly, obvs) when they ask to get their hair redone, no one is looking at you sweetheart. 
  13. The night before, you'll watch Bridesmaids, Love Actually or My Best Friends Wedding before lights out at 10pm SHARP.
  14. The next morning the boys will wake up hung over at 10am, stuff themselves silly with carbs (remember those?), throw back some brews, and maybe even play some FIFA. All the while, you’ve been up since before the sun in a procession line of lashes and locks. 
  15. When the bride says ‘I like it, but I don’t love it’, she definitely does not like it.
  16. There will be a small crisis when the nail salon doesn’t have ‘the’ perfect shade of pink to complete your bride’s dream day. It will send a pulsating surge of fear greater than spamming your entire company’s inbox of thousands with the hens’ invite. 
  17. A good maid has tissues hidden errrrrywhere.
  18. You may question how on earth your friend is going to survive in her new family. You’ll also realise the Mother In Law bubble is a thing too.
  19. Let’s be real, the likelihood of eating at all that day isn’t great.
  20. You will give the best damn speech of your life #ObamaOut.
  21. Above all else, when you see your friend walking down that aisle your heart will explode and you’d damn well do it all again (even the tan) in a heartbeat #maids4lyfe.

More the bride than the maid? This one's for you.

Image credit: 27 Dresses

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