The patron saint of squad goals is in town. And Lee Lin Chin is not happy.
Neither is the rest of Australia for that matter - for Tay Tay hath bestowed upon us her first gig, with ne'er a celeb cameo in sight. Is it because she hates us? Is it because none of our celebrities are actual celebrities? I decided to investigate, and perhaps provide some suitable options, lest Swift say the forbidden words, "but who is Millsy?"
Last weekend my Facebook was brimming with gig selfies - I'm pretty sure the entire city of Sydney went to see Tay? However, what it was not brimming with was a J-Mauboy duet. A Ricki Lee runway. In fact, Taylor Swift joining a reformed Young Divas to replace that one with the fake French last name would have made my year. Nay, MY LIFE.
Scoff all you like, but you KNOW a group performance of Ricki Lee's Sex and the City soundtrack would have slayed. Tay could have played the old slutty one.
There were even rumours of the Swiftinator attending the ARIAs last week. She could have joined Tina Arena in that smashing rendition of Chains that didn't miss at least 4 notes (I'm looking at you, The Veronica's). She could have played some shitty red carpet game with Kyle and Jackie O, and snapped a selfie with some annoying Bachelor "star". She would have joined the creme-de-la-creme of reality tv debutantes, and The Real Housewives of Melbourne.
SHE COULD HAVE FINALLY HELPED SOPHIE MONK MAKE SOPHIE MONK HAPPEN.
But Lee Lin Chin was right in her latest Tweet. Tay Tay doesn't care about us, or our terrible celebrities. I mean, it's hardly going to make worldwide news if she pulls Sam Armytage onstage for a discussion about Kochie's shining bald beacon of a head. That ain't gonna sell records.
Let's face it: We don't have a set of Victoria's Secret Angels, an Oscar winner, and a buzzy writer/tv star/I-don't-know-why-Lena-Dunham-was-in-Bad-Blood waiting in the wings.
We do have Bindi Irwin though, and she's our KHAKI QUEEN, so fuck you Taylor Swift. We don’t need you anyway.
Image credit: Taylor Swift Instagram