Funny

How A Perthite Prepares For Winter

By Sophie Colvin - 09 May 2017


Complaining talking about the weather is more or less a sport in Perth—except it’s actually more popular than sport because everyone participates in it. So how does Perth prepare for the hell that is winter? Besides investing in the cheapest umbrella they can find, that is? 

Here are 30 ways our city preps for the long haul. Winter is coming...

  1. Complain to every man and his dog about summer dragging on. 
  2. Mope around the coast saying goodbye to the beach.
  3. Shop for new black clothes, but find that nothing is black enough to go with your current black selection, so you leave empty handed.
  4. Go for a second shopping expedition and buy all the vaguely black clothing you can find.
  5. Layer up all your black clothing, so that it matches your winter-hating mood.
  6. Slap your friend who reminds you how much you complained about the heat.
  7. Go to the market and stock up on winter veggies with the good intention of making soup.
  8. Get home and make three weeks' worth of soup.
  9. Research ‘Perth’s Best Pho’.
  10. Print off the take away menus from the top five of the best pho joints.
  11. Research 'Perth's Best Ramen'.
  12. Get a Netflix account. 
  13. Map out your Netflix viewing for the next three months.
  14. Put your razor into hibernation
  15. Bitch about how ugly down jackets are.
  16. Go and buy a down jacket.
  17. Do not remove your down jacket for the next three months.
  18. Ponder what you’re going to wear on your feet now that it’s too cold for Birkenstocks.
  19. Shop for winter boots.
  20. Realise the only ones you like are from Zomp and that you’ll need to sell a kidney to afford them.
  21. Wonder if you can get away with wearing your Nike Airs for the whole of winter.
  22. Buy an electric blanket.
  23. Have an argument with housemates about what the acceptable temperature is to turn the heating on.
  24. Become the queen of ‘lounge wear’.
  25. Buy new Uggs.
  26. Buy new fleecy trackpants.
  27. Buy an ugly but snuggly hoodie that you tell yourself is only for ‘couch time’.
  28. Wear your ugly hoodie to the supermarket. With your trackies. And uggs.
  29. Ease out of exercise. No one exercises in winter.
  30. Buy more black clothes. 

While we're on the topic, here are 21 Truths About Perth's Winter.

Image credit: Game Of Thrones

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