Funny

19 Things Only Fake Blondes Understand

By Claire Plush - 24 Mar 2016

We all know that gentlemen prefer blondes. Unfortunately, some of us aren’t blessed with naturally golden tresses, and have to rely on the skills of a colourist, along with some help from our good friend, peroxide, to get there.

We blondes stick together—sharing sneaky intel on the best treatments, our favourite violet shampoo, and exchanging business cards of our favourite colourists like a Masonic handshake.

So, do you want to be let in on the secrets that all of us bottle blondes know? Then read on…

1. We usually have a dangerously codependent relationship with our hairdresser.

2. We have a whole different wardrobe for our blonde hair and our natural colour.

3. And a whole different makeup palette.

4. When we’re massively overdue to get our roots done, we just rock that trashy look and pretend we’re Courtney Love circa 1992.

5. Danaerys Targaryen is our spirit animal.

6. And Annie Lennox.

7. We’ve all tried to convince ourselves that “it’s not THAT hard, I could totally bleach it myself at home”. It didn’t work.

8. Consequently, we have an irrational hatred of brassy yellow things. Dandelions, Meadow Lea, Minions.

9. The lighter the hair, the darker the brows. Don’t ask why. It just is. #scienceprobably

10. Needing four hours at the hairdresser. Every six weeks. Without fail. (Even though it’s basically an excuse for gossip/wine/alone-time with your hairdresser/bestie. Shhhh!)

11. Jelly ends.

12. People assume we’re ditzy. Go with it and then slam them with some random insights that will blow their mind.

13. If we have to choose between staying blonde and growing our hair long, we will always choose blonde.

14. “So love, do those collar and cuffs match?” Worst. Pick-up line. Ever.

15. People talk about “oily” or “dry” hair types. There’s another one known only to us—“crunchy”

16. We’re willing to suffer through a day or two of purple ends to tone out that yellow.

17. Those tingly, tight head feels, the day after a scalp bleach.

18. We’re a step ahead of the game when it comes to the pastel trend. No pre-lightening needed for us.

19. We totally do have more fun.

Image Credit: Legally Blonde

Our best stories, direct to your inbox, helping you to out-trend your mates every weekend...

You May Also Like