Oh Bondi. You beautiful, healthy, colourful, weird place. A place where if you don’t have a beard, a glass of rose, or seven pairs of Nikes, you’re just not doing it right. A place where you have everything you need in the one place, and if you don’t, well it’s just a quick Uber or Suppertime delivery away.
From knowing which areas of Bondi Road are off-limits, to bagsing your favourite table at your favourite bar, here are 24 things that are just saaahhh Bondi that it actually hurts.
If this article offends you, please see here.
- Putting ‘child minding’ as a skill on your resume, because babysitting doesn’t quite sound right as a uni job.
- Knowing which places on Campbell Parade or Bondi Road are safe to enter. And which are not.
- Waiting for the call that the local boutique finally has your (or your boyfriend’s) Johnny Depp-inspired flat-brimmed hat in stock.
- Arguing with your flatmates over who has to brave Harris Farm on a Sunday evening.
- Then simply shrugging when you have to pay $15 for a small jar of pistachios.
- Getting to The Anchor as early as possible on a Sunday afternoon so no-one steals your regular table.
- Doing the same on Sunday mornings for the grassy knoll.
- The anxiety over choosing the perfect laid back activewear combo for your Saturday morning market visit.
- Or pretty much only going to the markets just to pat other people’s dogs.
- Thinking an hour wait for a table at Porch and Parlour is reasonable.
- Getting an Uber to work when you can’t drive, because the 333 is unbearable just one second past 7:40am.
- Leaving the house with 15 minutes to get somewhere, then remembering Bondi Road exists and being ridiculously late.
- Waiting 45 minutes for a table at Harry’s, and remembering when it was a humble hole-in-the-wall next to a Laundromat.
- Pretending you’re not anything like the people The Bondi Wanker talks about.
- Dragging your hungover AF behind to Little L Chicken & Burgers for the best ever chicken burger on a Sunday afternoon, and still finding it hard to not call it Olie’s.
- Making brunch dates but just drinking juice because you only have a $20 and parking will cost you at least $4, so that’s your money gone.
- Taking your SunnyLife flamingo out for a cruise on a hot day.
- Laughing away trips to the Northside as a distant memory.
- Finding the best, nay, the perfect Instagram filter for your picture of Icebergs pool on a Saturday.
- Getting irrationally fired up when you’ve been searching for a park for 20 minutes and you see at least ten cars chilling in the middle of two perfectly good spots.
- Seriously considering spending $20 on a small bag of something claiming to be powdered beetroot or liquid kale.
- Being afraid to venture into the ‘dark side’ of Bondi Junction. You know what I mean.
- Being completely fine with paying half your monthly paycheque for a shoebox with no balcony and a dodgy stove.
- Still getting mesmerised by the glorious sunset bouncing off the colourful apartment blocks at North Bondi and remembering why you love this crazy place.
Image credit: Lisa Brooke at Bondi Wholefoods