If you’re a) a human and b) have contact with other humans, then you’ll probably know that relationships are no walk in the park. To say that one is either single or not is, quite frankly, a load of bollocks and our beloved Facebook isn’t making things any easier...especially during these wild times (2017, you crazy year, you).
So, because Facebook is yet to embrace all the weird, wonderful and wacky relationships we have in this world, we’ve decided to create a few statuses of our own. Here are 35 relationship statuses Facebook should have. Mark Zuckerberg, listen up.
1. Married to my job in the hope that I’ll get a pay raise.
2. Still banging my ex.
3. On the hunt for a sugar daddy.
4. In a stable, loving relationship with cheesecake.
5. Harbouring an unhealthy, stalker-like obsession for xxx.
6. Secretly, hopelessly in love with xxx.
7. Kicking it in the friend zone with xxx.
8. Swiping so hard my thumb has developed arthritis.
9. Been on one date and now want to move in with xxx.
10. Climbin’ in yo windows, snatchin’ yo people up.
11. Waiting for a miracle.
12. Probably cursed.
13. Pizza is bae.
14. Playing the following: xxx, xxx and xxx.
15. Depends who’s asking.
16. Constantly messaging but never actually meeting up with xxx.
17. Booty calling xxx on the reg.
18. Making out with xxx when drunk but avoiding when sober.
19. In love with a fictional character.
20. Trying to break up with xxx.
21. Trying to get/force xxx to propose.
22. Currently creeping on xxx.
23. Slowly coming to terms that I’ll be forever alone. With cats.
24. Just sent myself a heartfelt goodnight text.
25. Going to have xxx’s babies, even though they don’t know it yet.
26. Exclusive with xxx but haven’t had the ‘talk’ yet.
27. Settling with xxx.
28. On the hunt for revenge sex.
29. Building my empire, don’t touch me.
30. Figuring out if xxx is worthy of my valuable and precious time.
31. About to bring my 13,492 Pinterest wedding pins to life, thanks to xxx’s recent proposal.
32. Finally divorced, praise the lord.
33. Married with kids and actually stoked with life. No, I’m not joking.
34.No longer in love with but living with xxx because rent prices in this city are hideous.
35.IDK WTF is even happening anymore.
Would you prefer to put your energy into becoming a mermaid Read this.
Image credit: Screen Gems