Horoscopes: Your Co(s)mic Week Ahead

By Gen Phelan
12th Mar 2018


Consulting the stars is top secret work, and our sources are about as classified as Gossip Girl’s identity throughout six whole seasons. Call us you’re one and only source into the scandalous predictions of the week ahead.

Young astrological grasshoppers, here’s your new dose of cosmic orders...


It seems you have a bad habit developing, Aquarius. *Folds arms, glares disapprovingly*. It takes 66 days to form a habit, but we know you can break this one at lightning speed if you set your mind to it. 


Yo, Pisces. When was the last time you just swung by your mate’s place unannounced? Or dropped in to see the grandparents? Arm yourself with some loot (chocolate typically does no wrong) and mandate a good old fashioned, spontaneous catch-up.


TLC said Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls, but ya know what—heck it. This week, envisage that glittering, sky-is-the-limit goal that you’ve been harbouring, and start taking some action to finally chip away at it. C’mon, Aries.


Flex your altruistic muscles, Taurus. Remember how you guilt-tripped yourself last week when turning down a charity water bottle. ‘Why am I such a heartless wretch?’, you probably pondered. IT’S NOT TOO LATE. Have a sleuth of how you can make an impact where it counts this week.


Never say never, Gemini. Whether you simply refuse to eat the pickles in your burgz, or visibly recoil when someone says words like ‘morning run?’ or ‘fitness regime’, it’s time to forge some new attitudes. Try something out of character this week.


Crabs, stop trying to emulate that colleague, friend or high-flying celeb (unless it’s J-LAW at the Oscars because that’s an exception). It’s great to have role models and we’re kinda impressed at your chameleon-like morphing abilities, but nothing beats doing YOU.


It’s been a torturous waiting game. Leos, instead of checking your inbox every two minutes for a reply from your Prince(ss) Charming, get back out into the real world. Swap out all that screen-staring for a notorious night out, or a bottomless brunch sesh with your pals. 


There’s a pep in your step, Virgo, and no it’s not just the latte you downed on your commute this morning. If there’s a deluge of feel-good vibes flooding your life this week, embrace them and get productive. You’ve got a big few weeks ahead, so sort your sh*t out now and love yourself for it later.  


You’re mourning the loss of Summer. But just because you’ve had to forego a few Aperol spritzes lately, doesn’t mean the party’s terminated for good. Hang in there. You’re head-down, bum-up attitude is going to pay off.


Rekindling an old flame, hey Scorps? Ah, we see what you’re trying to do here, you cheeky minx. If a bold bout of courage comes your way in the next few moons, embrace it. We forecast a scorching ante-upping of the heat.


You’re craving a little alone time right now, Sags. Don’t stress it—you’re not turning into a reclusive hermit. Sometimes, it’s important to get some space from the rest of the human race. Go on an excessively long dog walk, or having a bit of solo laptop time at your fave coffee nook.


The rumour mill is churning out some absolute belters this week. Whether it’s goss about your nearest and dearest, an acquaintance you hardly know or your very own name tangled up in some heresy, fret not. Don’t perpetuate the speculation, and be mindful of what you preach.

Image credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist

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