Diamonds are forever. Or, at least Instagram photos of diamonds are forever. That’s the reality of the one friend that hasn’t got the rock yet and couldn’t give a flying floral centerpiece about it.
Once engaged, life becomes a haze of calligraphy, penis straws, and wishing well poems. Isn’t life grand? No, really, it is. The average wedding costs $40K. So take your ringless finger and go splash out on a bottle of vino. Then crack it open and enjoy this list. Cheers.
- Your social media feeds are a whooole lot less #foodporn and a whole lot more #shesaidyes than they used to be.
- You’ve had to get three extra jobs to fund the endless engagement parties, hens parties, and destination weddings you’re invited to.
- And you can’t wait to plan your extravaganza party and make everyone wear their hideous bridesmaids dresses.
- You’ve memorised most episodes of ‘Friends’ to play over in your head when people give you advice on being as single as a leftover Pringle.
- You’re incredibly happy for your friends and all, but you still don’t feel old enough to have your own Medicare card.
- Your girlfriends might be rocking rocks, but they ALWAYS ask to ‘play with your Tinder’ if you’re single.
- And they’re weirdly interested in all the unsolicited dick pics you may or may not get.
- Your Mum has started raising a single eyebrow when you tell her that your third friend got engaged in the past three months.
- And you SO has started to shift uncomfortably every time an invite comes in the mail.
- You’ve perfected the poker face when a friend tells you of their Cinderella-themed wedding.
- You live in fear of being matched with the ‘filler’ groomsman in the wedding party. You know the one.
- But then again, a dashing single groomsman is the perfect way to say thank you. If you’re into that sorta thing.
- You and your SO have come up with the perfect, charming, witty comeback to ‘So… will you be next?’
- You resent people for assuming you’re gagging for a ring.
- Or that your SO is either planning something big, or terrified of commitment.
- Taking a spontaneous summer getaway is off limits, because weddings.
- You’ve been to every. Single. Winery. In the vicinity of your city. Because weddings.
- Coming up with fresh, funny, romantic, and tear-inducing speeches is a tiresome task when you have to do one every other weekend.
- Your fridge used to be a place to store food, now it’s a shrine to all the relationships you’re not having.
- You know your imaginary Harry Potter wedding will sh*t all over theirs, anyway.
Are you the engaged friend? Check out The Millennial Guide To Throwing An Epic Wedding
Image credit: Netflix