Funny

20 Things You’ll Understand If You’re The Only One Not Engaged In Your Group

By Anna May - 07 Apr 2018

Diamonds are forever. Or, at least Instagram photos of diamonds are forever. That’s the reality of the one friend that hasn’t got the rock yet and couldn’t give a flying floral centerpiece about it.

Once engaged, life becomes a haze of calligraphy, penis straws, and wishing well poems. Isn’t life grand? No, really, it is. The average wedding costs $40K. So take your ringless finger and go splash out on a bottle of vino. Then crack it open and enjoy this list. Cheers.

  1. Your social media feeds are a whooole lot less #foodporn and a whole lot more #shesaidyes than they used to be.
  2. You’ve had to get three extra jobs to fund the endless engagement parties, hens parties, and destination weddings you’re invited to.
  3. And you can’t wait to plan your extravaganza party and make everyone wear their hideous bridesmaids dresses.
  4. You’ve memorised most episodes of ‘Friends’ to play over in your head when people give you advice on being as single as a leftover Pringle.
  5. You’re incredibly happy for your friends and all, but you still don’t feel old enough to have your own Medicare card.
  6. Your girlfriends might be rocking rocks, but they ALWAYS ask to ‘play with your Tinder’ if you’re single.
  7. And they’re weirdly interested in all the unsolicited dick pics you may or may not get.
  8. Your Mum has started raising a single eyebrow when you tell her that your third friend got engaged in the past three months.
  9. And you SO has started to shift uncomfortably every time an invite comes in the mail.
  10. You’ve perfected the poker face when a friend tells you of their Cinderella-themed wedding.
  11. You live in fear of being matched with the ‘filler’ groomsman in the wedding party. You know the one.
  12. But then again, a dashing single groomsman is the perfect way to say thank you. If you’re into that sorta thing.
  13. You and your SO have come up with the perfect, charming, witty comeback to ‘So… will you be next?’
  14. You resent people for assuming you’re gagging for a ring.
  15. Or that your SO is either planning something big, or terrified of commitment.
  16. Taking a spontaneous summer getaway is off limits, because weddings.
  17. You’ve been to every. Single. Winery. In the vicinity of your city. Because weddings.
  18. Coming up with fresh, funny, romantic, and tear-inducing speeches is a tiresome task when you have to do one every other weekend.
  19. Your fridge used to be a place to store food, now it’s a shrine to all the relationships you’re not having.
  20. You know your imaginary Harry Potter wedding will sh*t all over theirs, anyway. 

Are you the engaged friend? Check out The Millennial Guide To Throwing An Epic Wedding

Image credit: Netflix

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