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50 Things To Do In Sydney If You’re Single

By Daniel Colasimone - 08 Nov 2017

Things To Do In Sydney If You're Single


The world can be a joyless, lonely, desolate place if you're single. If all your mates are in relationships, you so often seem to be left at home twiddling your thumbs while they do interesting and fun things like go to musical theatre, have brunch and go on staycations. None of those things can be done solo. 
If the thought of copious babes and free drinks doesn't do it for you, here are 50 things to do in Sydney if you're single.

  1. Literally, twiddle your thumbs.
  2. Watch all 10 seasons of Friends back to back. Repeat.
  3. Go down to the edge of Darling Harbour and stare into its murky waters all afternoon.
  4. Masticate furiously and repeatedly. We recommend Extra Sugar Free Gum because it is sugar free and you should probably quit that shit anyway.
  5. Pretend you're in The Shawshank Redemption and use a stone hammer to chip a secret escape tunnel through your bedroom wall over a number of years. Don't let the 'guards' catch you though.
  6. Meet other singles at Rooty Hill RSL's weekly Bingo session.
  7. Re-enact the Kennedy-Nixon debates with your cat or dog. If you don't have a cat or dog, just sit on the edge of your bed and wait.
  8. Floss daily.
  9. Write a 5000-word essay on which one of the Avengers you would most like to sleep with, and why.
  10. Go for a bike ride around Centennial Park. Make sure you wear a helmet with spikes on it so you are not harassed by plovers, magpies or children.
  11. Spend the morning on a 'Newsagent Crawl'. (Go around to at least 10 newsagents and complain about the price of greeting cards and how certain holidays are just capitalist schemes to make more money.)
  12. Sit in a café for hours jotting down notes. People will think you're writing a novel.
  13. Take a flask to the Blackwattle Bay Park and get drunk under a tree.
  14. Start a Magic: The Gathering club.
  15. Sketch the tombstones in Rookwood Cemetery.
  16. Play Destiny every moment of the day that you are not at work. Then start on Destiny 2.
  17. Imagine that Seinfeld was set in Sydney and then imagine how each episode would have been different.
  18. Form a Wu-Tang style hip hop collaboration with the kids in your neighbourhood.
  19. Quit the collaboration then petition local parents to force its disbandment due to the misogynistic and violent content of the lyrics.
  20. Take to the nearest public basketball court wearing nothing but cut-off denim shorts and Reebok Pumps and challenge anyone who comes along to a shirts-versus-skins mini-tournament.
  21. Start a weekly YouTube cooking show where you and your sock puppet friend get high on painkillers, make macaroni and cheese and discuss new release movies.
  22. Create a playlist of your 500 favourite single-and-empowered songs, such as 'All The Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)' and 'Achy Breaky Heart.'
  23. Write a list of all the people you've ever hooked up with, then take a picture of it and post it to your Facebook wall (tag them if you're still Facey friends). Watch the hilarity ensue.
  24. Head two columns on a piece of paper 'cricket' and 'baseball' and think of as many differences between the two as you can. If you reach 1000, treat yourself to a Mars Bar.
  25. Do continuous loops of the Parramatta River on the RiverCat challenging yourself to correctly name each suburb you pass. Honestly, who’s going to correct you anyway?
  26. Start a Maroon 5 tribute band. 
  27. If you don't have enough friends for that, start an Adam Levine tribute act.
  28. Spend a day at Town Hall Steps impersonating Benedict Cumberbatch (if you're a man) or Cher (if you're a woman) and asking strangers to lend you money for the train trip to Newcastle.
  29. Learn the entire first cheer routine from 'Bring it On'. "I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot" and so on…
  30. Upload a bunch of naked photos of yourself to your phone in the hope that someone will hack you and publish them online.
  31. Take up F45 and constantly post stuff about it on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, Reddit, MySpace, ICQ and Microsoft Messenger. People love that shit.
  32. Dedicate your life to becoming an Instagram influencer. You've got the time.
  33. Invite everyone you know to a housewarming party for your parents even though they have lived in the same house for 27 years.
  34. Start a bikie gang called the 'T-Birds' and wage war on other bikie gangs for turf.
  35. Make up your own Mexican Sugar Skull design and get it tattooed on your neck.
  36. Deal with the pain of being single by touring suburban retirement villages presenting your solo interpretive dance performance of 'He's Just Not That Into You.'
  37. Show up at your married friends' places on random weeknights with a casserole and act as though they invited you to dinner. Each partner will assume the other asked you to come and you won't have to spend another evening alone eating cake mix.
  38. Learn Klingon and speak only it to your parents whenever they call you. When you see them in person act like you have no idea what they are talking about.
  39. Make a photo of you and your ex from five years ago your Facebook profile pic. Change your status from 'Single' to 'It's Complicated.'
  40. Allow Tinder to amplify your misery as you get rejected or creeped on by people you haven't even met yet.
  41. Hell, allow all the dating apps amplify your misery.
  42. Truly embrace the Paleo diet by living in a cave and eating mostly roots, berries and insects.
  43. Do every one of the 'Which… are you?' quizzes on BuzzFeed. All of them.
  44. Create a feature wall dedicated to Will, Kate, George and Charlotte. Then obsessively bump watch until their third kid comes along.
  45. Eat a kilo of Coon Tasty at the aquarium and wait for the cheese hallucinations to kick in.
  46. Tell everyone you're going 'into the wild' like Alexander Supertramp and then move into a caravan at the back of your parents' place.
  47. Go to each of Liverpool City's libraries one by one and find any errors in their Dewey Decimal sorting. Report any errors found to the librarian.
  48. Attempt to finish every one of Jamie's 15-minute meals within the allotted 15 minutes. Tweet Jamie the results each time.
  49. Take to wearing a monocle and using a cane.
  50. Go on a damn date!

Or just work your way through these 50 things you should have eaten in Sydney.

Image credit: 30 Rock

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