I’m not sure if you knew this, guys and gals, but Sydney has a pretty strict dress code when it comes to the seasons. And it gets as specific as your suburb. “But… What do I wear??!!” I hear you cry in panic. Fret not; I’m about to lay down some knowledge of the fashion variety. Stick to the below dress code according to your Sydney suburb, and you’ll never be in trouble. Ever.
Jokes. Wear what you like. As long as those tootsies are warm and you have no unwanted fripples under your top, or shrinkage in the trouser region, life will be good. Keep doing you. I like you just the way you are. Even with that bit of Vegemite on your top. Made you look.
Start with a responsibly sourced, locally grown, potentially market-bought gilet, over your boat neck Breton top. Padded with the fur that has been brushed off the most pedigree of pooches from Dogue. Stain Proof and waterproof, of course, so your bulletproof coffee or rosé doesn’t stain when it spills. After all, one cannot even begin to attempt the Bondi to Bronte walk while one isn’t sufficiently cosy, caffeinated, or drunk. Or all of the above.
It really depends what you plan on doing today, friend. If you’re venturing out of the beautiful beaches of Cronulla, then your magenta pink velour tracksuit should do the trick, y’know, the one that says ‘Yes, I packed my passport’ on the bum for whenever people ask. That’s also so you can show them your bum, because it’s breathtaking. Apart from that, the jacket you stole off a guy you kissed on the DF at Carmen’s a few years back ought to do the trick. Or just double up on your go-to singlet, a white OVER your black one is #fashun.
Let’s be frank: it doesn’t matter what you wear. The sheer lure of fresh-from-the-oven pizza and slightly overpriced cocktails ought to keep you nice and toasty. But maybe a high-vis, reflective, oversized, jacket ought to do the trick. From an underground-label, of course. But heaven knows you want to be visible to those cyclists on Crown Street, so they can at least see you before they passive-aggressively ding at you. Right?
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: if you’re going to rock the leather jacket, white jeans combo, or that well-cut, fleece-lined polo shirt from the Tommy Bahama Winter collection, you’ve got to pair it with the walk. Don’t drag your feet like you do every time you remember the steak at The Greengate used to cost $5, strut it out. Plus, walking (read: stumbling) faster keeps you nice and cosy on the trek up the hill to your house.
Life might be easier for you over there in Newtown. Might. There’s two ways to look at this: you’ll either need a fuzzy, oversized, authentic vintage Scrooge McDuck jumper from the Disneyland gift store circa 1987, to keep you warm while you wait in line for the newest neighbourhood bar. Or, you’ll be warm enough from all of the cocktails that you won’t need said duck jumper, so a nice, comfortable pair of fuzzy slippers will do for the long schlep home, because an Uber on King Street is nothing short of fiery, burning hell on earth.
TBH I could say a wetsuit, but that’s what the pros (apparently) call low-hanging fruit. To keep warm this winter Manly locals, you need to grab yourself a pair of jeans that are the colour of Immodium. Idk if it will work or anything, but we all know that ferry to the city can be rockier than Rob and Chyna’s relationship, so it’s always handy to have something that might help settle your stomach while you battle the waves and wind.
A scarf. Doesn’t need to be fancy or overly showy, you’ll just need something to keep your neck warm while you explain to everyone that you don’t live in Parramatta. That, or a brand new shiny buckled belt, so you can come up with a razor sharp comeback, and point to it when people mention ‘The Bible Belt’. Who’s laughing now? You, that’s who.
Now that you're outfits sorted, here's everything you should have eaten if you live in Sydney.
Image credit: Skitbox