The tiny little graphics you nonchalantly latch onto the end of text messages (usually after a vino or six, or on every message ever if you’re someone’s parent) actually say a helluva lot about you. We’d even go as far as to say that your favourite emoji is basically a window into your soul. How do we know this? Because we’ve used the most advanced modern mathematics* to develop flawless algebraic equations** that can accurately predict*** your personal details, extracurricular activities and purchase habits, just from knowing your favourite emoji.
Don’t believe us? Get ready to eat your words, Felicia, because here’s what your favourite emoji says about you.
*We did not.
**We took a red hot stab in the dark twenty-one times.
***We’re not even confident we got your gender right even once.
1. You have a hyphenated first name, you refer to people as ‘darl’, you share lost pet posts on Facebook and your favourite phrase is ‘get your feet off the dashboard!!”.
2. You took a gap year after year 12 to ‘find yourself’ but instead ended up briefly dating someone twice your age in Barcelona. You’ve since last your entire life savings in a failed pyramid scheme but consider yourself very #blessed because your best friend brings you McNuggets when they come over to watch re-runs of The Good Wife.
3. Right now you’re wearing a Country Road shift dress and and a sterling silver Tiffany’s infinity ring that your boyfriend gave you on your three month anniversary. You submitted questions to Dolly Doctor on four separate occasions between the ages of sixteen and twenty two and you already know P!nk’s new album word for word.
4. You firmly believe Rory should have chosen Logan at the end of Gilmore Girls because they deserve each other and you think the creation of Greek yoghurt is the greatest offence in modern history.
5. You are late for literally everything, none of your socks match, you failed your driving test three times in high school and you forgot your debit card pin two years ago so you haven’t made a purchases over $100 since 2015.
6. You once hit a possum on a dirt road late at night and confessed it to your best friend who now brings it up in every game of Never Have I Ever. You were also runner up duxe in year 12 and ask for books and candles each year at Christmas without fail.
7. Half of your wardrobe is high-end activewear, even though three quarters of your life is spent looking up the dating histories of celebrities on Wikipedia. You bought a newspaper subscription at the start of the year in order to expand your global awareness, however you now just use it to line your cat’s litter tray and light candles by rolling it up and sticking it in the toaster when you run out of matches.
8. You take a week of annual leave every time McDonald’s Monopoly is on because you desperately need a new car and you LOVE chicky nugs. You also once finished Grand Theft Auto Vice City in one day and won a competition to name a new flavour of Smiths chips.
9. The most recent photo in your camera roll is of someone wearing Crocs in the supermarket, you describe yourself as a ‘foodie’ and you have on more than one occasion ordered a dish at brunch by pointing to it on your Instagram feed.
10. Every evening you wind down with a strong G&T and a piece of hedgehog slice. You spend most of your downtime spruiking the perks of Crossfit and when you’re home alone you eat an entire tub of Ben & Jerry’s Choc Chip Cookie Dough ice cream for dinner.
11. You have a phobia of receiving phone calls, almost always forget Father's Day and you semi-regularly invite people over to your house and then forget about it until they turn up.
12. You are addicted to almond croissants, you sold the car your parents bought you to afford Lorde tickets and Amy Poehler's autobiography ‘Yes Please’ is your bible.
13. You have an Instagram account for your dog but not yourself, you’re a self-diagnosed celiac and you once played an extra on Shortland Street.
14. You claim to have made eye contact with Russell Crowe in a KFC four years ago, are an avid fan of watching makeup tutorials on YouTube and you’re still not completely convinced global warming is real.
15. You’ve been banned from Tinder on more than one occasion, frequently ring up your energy provider to contest bills and you once saw Twilight: New Moon twice in one day because you hid under the seats after the first session ended.
16. You have a profound hatred for bananas, you delete people on Facebook when they have children and you once got through to the third round of The X Factor.
17. The background photo on your phone is Prince George, you know the entire series of Charmed word for word and your favourite album of all time is Maroon 5’s ‘Songs About Jane’.
18. As an adult, you’ve lost upwards of $3,000 worth of alcohol trying to sneak 1L bottles of Smirnoff Vodka into musical festivals, each year you gain the weight you promise yourself you’ll lose before your birthday and you make six-minute indecipherable Snap Stories whenever you go clubbing.
19. You bake cakes for co-workers on their birthdays, arrange flowers to be delivered for friends’ graduations and ask to hold strangers’ babies.
20. You have a tattoo of your dog’s name on your forearm, next to a tattoo of cheese and bacon flavoured Barbecue Shapes, you list gardening as a hobby on job applications even though all the flora in your house is plastic and once featured in an episode of Harry’s Practice when your dad’s goat ate a can opener.
21. Your two lop eared bunnies, Stella and Raindrop, are literally your world. You don’t go anywhere without your six Pandora bracelets and you’ve already drafted the first six chapters of your personal memoir, ‘Me, Myself & Meryl Streep’, with the foreword to be written by Helen Mirren.