Shaneel Lal is Urban List’s guest writer. Shaneel is a Fijian-New Zealand writer, LGBT rights activist and New Zealand’s first-ever trans person to win Young New Zealander Of The Year. They share lived experiences to champion inclusion and representation of the LGBT community in media and beyond.
Transgender people have always existed, but only recently, our identities have come under attack. A few years ago, no one was bothered by trans people but the importation of far-right politics to New Zealand has changed that.
Online extremism researchers are describing the spike in online hatred against trans people as “genocidal”. The world is becoming an increasingly dangerous place for trans people, and trans people cannot resist alone. We need our allies to stand by us.
Allyship can be tough. Some don’t know what to do. Others are too scared to offend. That often results in well-meaning and supportive people sitting on the sidelines. My first piece of advice is don’t be put off by fear of doing the wrong thing.
Pronouns surprisingly scare a lot of people, but if you think about it, almost every person has them and we use them daily. Misgendering a trans person can be hurtful, but unlike what right-wing media would like you to believe, trans people will not rip off your head for it. Trans people accept that making mistakes is a part of learning to correctly gender people.
If you ever misgender a trans person, there are three simple steps. 1. Apologise. 2. Correct yourself. 3. Move on. Under no circumstance is it appropriate for you to clutch your pearls and scream your apology and catastrophise. The situation is an uncomfortable one, don’t draw more attention to it.
There will be cases where a trans person will correct you if you misgender them. Allies play one of the most important roles in liberating trans people. Trans people recognise this, and value allies. But sometimes, allies can get defensive. This makes it difficult for trans people to help allies correct their mistakes.
Remember, no one is perfect, and we can all always do better. When a trans person corrects you, they do so because they believe you can do better. See being corrected as a sign of trans people trusting you to do better instead of as an attack.
In most circumstances, trans people may not immediately stand up for themselves. Doing so in the past may have had negative consequences so they extrapolate those experiences to new situations. There are many things you can do to make trans people feel safe and comfortable.
These things include normalising the use of pronouns in your workplace. You can put pronouns on your lanyards, websites, or your emails.
Trans people tend to put up with workplace transphobia because complaining against a prominent staff member could result in the end of any progress in their role. Allies have a duty to speak up, whether that’s in a meeting if someone is being transphobic or to educate their colleagues so that trans people do not have to do the labour. This may extend to implementing formal processes to deal with workplace transphobia or advocating for gender-neutral toilets. When using toilets with the cubicle door closed became a genuine issue is lost on me.
There is also room for upskilling staff at all levels through workplace modules on allyship and inclusivity and bringing trans people in to run workshops and seminars. Invite a trans person into your workplace or community to receive education on the difference between sex, gender identity, gender expression and sexuality or the importance of pronouns.
There are so many other things to do to be a better ally. My final tip is to celebrate pride. Everyone needs a little bit of joy. As a part of pride, you can fundraise for a charity that supports trans people such as RainbowYOUTH or OutLine. Pro tip: do not expect the trans person to organise the event.
Irrespective of how you feel about trans people, no one deserves to be excluded because of who they are. Including trans people and ensuring our safety does not cost anyone their comfort or safety. Be the person trans can count on. When you stand by trans people as an ally, you are making the world place for everyone.
Ready to step up your game? Here's how to be a better trans ally.
Image credit: Sam Sutherland.