Aleksandra Trkulja is a sex-positive and inclusive sex and relationships practitioner based on Gadigal land in Eora, Sydney. In partnership with Australia’s number one sexual wellness brand SKYN*, Aleks is helping you nail the essentials for better sex.
Making sex better is an incredibly common concern for sex therapy clients. When I get asked in sessions, ‘how do I improve my sex life?’, I respond with two questions.
- What are your safer sex practices?
- How much lube do you use?
I’m going to introduce you to my essential products for better sex, with some help from SKYN. Together, we'll look at how to integrate these essentials into self and partnered pleasure.
Why Safe Sex Is Essential To Pleasure
You’d be surprised how many people aren’t prioritising safer sex practices or using enough lubricant, whether in self-pleasure or partnered sex, in both casual or long-term partnerships. But safer sex isn’t just about avoiding risks—it’s also about enhancing pleasure.
In The University of New South Wales’ National Debrief Survey (2019), researchers found that 75% of 15-29-year-olds hadn't used condoms at least once in a 12-month period. For those in recurring sexual relationships, 69% didn’t use condoms, and even in casual encounters, 24% reported forgoing them altogether. These numbers tell us a pretty high amount of Aussies are taking unnecessary risks.
This has led to some pretty concerning health stats. According to The Kirby Institute, gonorrhoea cases have doubled over the past decade In Australia, and syphilis has tripled. One of the key reasons people cite for not using condoms, is they feel it impacts sensation, or they underestimate the risks of STI transmission. That's why I focus on these absolute basics with clients.
In reality, condoms interfere very little with sensation, and they play a critical role in preventing the transmission of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) like chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis, and HIV. With a quality condom and the right amount of lubricant, you can elevate intimacy while helping to keep the experience feeling safe.
Using condoms is also an act of mutual consent. By discussing condom preference and use with a partner, you can establish clear consent, and open up a conversation about comfort and boundaries—helping everyone feel safer, more comfortable, and ultimately setting the scene for a more enjoyable experience.
Lubricant is another essential, especially since many people with vulvas report discomfort or pain with sexual penetration—something that can often be eased with the right lubrication. When using a condom, pairing it with a water or silicone-based lubricant can elevate the experience, making everything feel both pleasurable and protected.
My better sex essential products are:
- Water-based lubricants
- Silicone-based lubricants
- Condoms
- Toys
These products can be integrated into your sex life in two ways.
Lube And Self-Pleasure
The first is during self-pleasure. Self-pleasure and masturbation are important because they help you understand what your body likes. Put water-based lubricant on your fingers/hands/sex toys, and use a variety of pace, pressure, and rhythm to explore what feels good on your genitalia.
Learning what pressure or motion on specific body parts feels good can then be communicated to sexual partners.
Using Sex Products With A Partner
The second way you can integrate your sex essentials is with your sexual partners. Whether you’re having casual sex, or sex in a long-term relationship; your essentials matter.
My favourite thing to tell clients about lube is, however much you’re using; double it. Anuses don’t lubricate at all, so lube is an absolute essential for butt play. And even vaginas don’t naturally lubricate enough for the kind of sex we’re having.
Did you know that adult film sets purchase lubricant by the keg? If the professionals are using it by the keg, you should at least own two bottles—one water-based, and one silicone-based.
Water-based lube mimics the body's natural fluids, and absorbs a lot faster. Silicone-based lube is long-lasting, and more slippery. Whether you’re giving a hand job, or penetrating a vagina or anus (with fingers, toys, or penises), for the love of god, lube up.
We need to normalise learning our lover's preferred barrier methods. This doesn't need to be an awkward conversation, or clearly learnt through trial and error. You can be curious about your partner’s needs by asking casually over coffee, or dinner.
Whether you're using toys, strap-ons, pegging, or having p-in-v sex—always ask your partners their preferences. Having the right sex essentials makes you a desirable sexual partner. It demonstrates you're invested in your lovers feeling safe, comfortable and having a pleasurable time.
Pro tip: Buy your lover's preferred barrier methods and keep them at your place. I use SKYN non-latex condoms, and often bring my own to hookups because not everyone has or is aware of latex allergies.
When I first started seeing my boyfriend, I mentioned that the SKYN non-latex was my preference, and that otherwise penetrative sex would be off the table for me.
He went and stocked up, which I thought was very romantic. I genuinely prefer SKYN products as they're the only brand that makes non-latex condoms from polyisoprene, which makes them soft and sensitive on skin.
For anyone being penetrated, know what condoms and lube feel best for your body, and bring them with you for partner play. And feel free to say no if the right sex essentials are missing.
Keen to start building your own sex essentials? Check out SKYN’s full range of products here.
*Sexual Wellness Brand. IRI Market Edge $ Value Australia MAT 25/08/2024
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Image: Supplied