Welcome to Sealed Section with certified sex therapist and clinical counsellor, Aleksandra Trkulja, in partnership with sex experts, Lovehoney. Aleks is a sex-positive and inclusive sex and relationships practitioner based on Gadigal land in Eora, Sydney. This is your modern guide to better sex and better intimate relationships. Today we're talking about learning to orgasm and dedicating time to self-pleasure.
This sealed section is for those with vulvas who struggle to orgasm. If this is you, there are three things I want you to know (the fundamentals of which can be explored if you’re not a vulva owner, too).
Firstly, You’re not alone. Difficulty with orgasm is a common presentation in private practice. Secondly, Unless there has been some kind of traumatic injury to the area, you’ll have all the body parts you need to experience an orgasm. And lastly, try to make it less about the orgasm, and more about pleasure to take the pressure off.
There are two main reasons why my clients struggle to orgasm:
They’re not getting the right kind of stimulation.
- They’re not getting enough stimulation.
When I ask, most people tell me the sex they’re having isn’t sufficient enough to arouse them. So, to work on this, we will do the following explorations and exercises.
Familiarise Yourself With Your Genital Map
Get to know your body using a hand mirror, and label your body parts. You’d be surprised by how many people haven’t introduced themselves to their downstairs neighbour.
Spend time pleasuring yourself with your hands, or a variety of toys. With an open and curious mindset, make this about the exploration of what feels good. Be sure to explore external stimulation of the clitoris, labia and anus, and internal stimulation of the vagina. Self-pleasuring regularly with the right kind of stimulation for long enough will be the best way to reach an orgasm. Sex experts, Lovehoney have a range of toys to explore for all pleasure types.
Create A Pleasure Map
Locate your primary erogenous zones (areas that contain a dense concentration of nerve endings). This includes the genitals, anus, perineum, nipples, neck, armpits, mouth, nostrils, navel, ears, and inner thighs.
Using your hands, or toys, explore how sensation feels in these areas. And remember, pleasure isn’t just about orgasms. It’s a whole body and mind experience. Being goal-oriented makes orgasms harder to experience. So enjoy all sensations.
Take three deep breaths into your belly, and slowly exhale.
Learning to orgasm is a process, so be patient with yourself and your body. Remember, your body is the vessel that provides pleasure, so treat it with kindness, and loving touch.
With the year winding down and Christmas just around the corner, treat yourself (and anyone you’d like to spoil intimately) to some slow time and fill some stockings with a new toy or cheeky festive set to kickstart your pleasure exploration. We’ve rounded up some top picks to get you feeling particularly jolly this season.
Womanizer Red Duo Rechargeable G-Spot and Clitoral Stimulator
In the perfect festive red hue, this dual stimulator targets the clitoris and G-spot for maximum pleasure. With two silicone stimulation heads provided to suit different sizes and a curved G-spot vibrator with ten patterns, this is the perfect toy for exploring blended orgasms. Buy one here.
Womanizer X Lovehoney Pro40 Rechargeable Clitoral Stimulator
This exclusive collaboration between the pleasure experts at Lovehoney and Womanizer combines deliciously gentle suction with pulsations to create a featherlight contactless caress. Waterproof and USB rechargeable it’s an ideal travel buddy. Buy one here.
Lovehoney High Roller Remote Control Rotating Prostate Massager
This silky-smooth, remote control, rotating prostate massager uses a circular stroking motion and thrums with a choice of three speeds and seven vibration patterns. Operate using the push button on the base or enjoy completely hands-free with the remote control —you can even hand the remote to your partner for thrilling new foreplay possibilities. Buy one here.
Lovehoney Rose Clitoral Suction Stimulator
Sweet, but sultry, this petite suction stimulator packs a big pleasure punch. The two-button interface that controls 10 different suction modes is ideal for easy of use so you can concentrate on enjoying and the completely waterproof design means it’s suitable for aquatic adventures. Buy one here.
Vush X Abbie Rechargeable G-Spot Vibrator
Designed to be used on your own or with a partner, this g-spot vibrator is a collaboration between Vush and Abbie Chatfield. Bold, colourful and powerful, it is designed to stimulate your G-spot with a body-happy curve, a floral textured design and 25 mix-and-match vibration combinations to explore. Buy one here.
Moonlight Desire Red Collection
Price: From $74.95
Embrace the festive spirit with a slash of red in the bedroom to get your blood pumping. With cute sets and sexy body suits to choose from, there’s something to make all bods feel beaut this silly season. Shop the range, here.
Lovehoney Wild Weekend Mega Couple's Sex Toy Kit
With eleven specially selected toys for sexy fun in endless erotic combinations, including an all-time favourite rabbit vibrator and dinky butt plug for first-time anal fun, no two nights will ever be the same. Welcome to your wild weekend. Buy one here.
Lovehoney After Dark Board Game
Dare to share when you play this adult board game—a fun and flirty way to discover and reveal all those saucy secrets. Talk dirty and giggle your way through kinky confessions this Christmas to find out what makes friends and lovers tick. Buy one here.
Lovehoney Fantasy Santa Flirty Red Velvet Dress
If your intimate partner has been naughty or nice this year, this sexy Santa-inspired fit is sure to bring a bit of spice to the bedroom gifting department. Adjust for an uplifting fit with the shoulder straps, and tie it tight thanks to the criss-cross ribbons at the back. Buy one here.
Keen to explore the entire Lovehoney range of pleasure-producing goodies? Head over here.
Image credit: Supplied
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