Have you heard the news? There's a bit onnnn this weekend. Oh yes, oh yes.

From getting zen to getting sexy-dangerous, I've served up sixteen extra sweet ways to get busy in Auckland on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and all weekend—and guess what?

You're invited.

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Friday 6 June

Find Out What SNART Means

6.30-7.30pm | Basement Theatre, Auckland Central | CWYP

Image credit: Basement Theatre/SNART | supplied

Okay, so I'm obsessed with this: "imagine if stage and screen had a baby raised by Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Tim Robinson, and Twitter." Yup, exactly. That genre-bending, boundary-pushing, unholy baby is SNART, running ‘til this Saturday at Basement Theatre, and it looks to be the most beautifully unhinged hour I could’ve ever asked for. P.S. It's a 'choose what you pay' kinda sitch.

Get Your Heart Broken In Style

7.30pm | Kiri Te Kanawa Theatre, Auckland Central | $$-$$$

Image credit: Andi Crown Photography | Instagram

NZ Opera have dropped a certified classique on us this week, and I’m more than ready to shed a tear from the unparalleled comfort of those iconic red seats. Set in post-war Paris, international director Bruno Ravella has stripped things back with his powerful take on Puccini’s gut-wrenching masterpiece La bohème. Pop down to Kiri Te Kanawa Theatre for the last showings on Friday. Tissues recommended, emotional devastation guaranteed.

Grab Your Friday Night By The Trucks

6 June | Auckland Town Hall, Auckland Central | $$

Image credit: Seán Kelly | Instagram

Yessireeee, the genre-bending, tune-jockeying groovesetter with the best alias in the business, MALL GRAB, has somehow already been behind the wheels for a decade. The Looking For Trouble tour, featuring his largest headline shows to date, is a fitting response to such a milestone and concludes in NZ this Friday at the mighty and iconic Town Hall. Next-level A/V production, deep cuts, future anthems and energy, energy, energy. Grab this thing by the trucks and get down there.

Saturday 7 June

Bliss Out To Bonsais

9am-5pm, Saturday & Sunday | 35 Access Road, Kumeū | $-$$

Image credit: Auckland Bonsai Society | Instagram

We started off Friday with a bit of zen, so why not Saturday (& Sunday) too? If you enjoy slowly cultivating inner peace at the behest of an old and very small tree's every wish, then the Auckland Bonsai Show is the place to be this weekend. World-class demonstrations, stunning miniature masterpieces, and the most meditative two days of the year. Hell, I might even head down—I can even buy my own little tree friend to slowly kill—I mean, lovingly nurture.... At home. P.S. Don't forget to pack your teeny, tiny scissors.

Get Your Gambling Aunty Game On

10am-1pm | Grown Up Donuts, Ponsonby Central | $

Image credit: Lucky Tiles Social Club | Instagram

I'm channelling my inner gambling auntie this Saturday morning by partaking in one of the weekly social mahjong and doughnuts sessions put on by the Lucky Tiles team. They offer "tile-torials" for newbies and proper HK point-scoring for those in the know, plus there's zero money involved… Which is probably a good thing, as I’ve been taken to the cleaners far too many times this year by my seemingly innocuous ninety-year-old neighbour. Two hours of clicking tiles, a free drink, and potentially a casual walk to Western Park afterwards. It's weekend socialising with a side of ancient strategy games, so most certainly count me in.

Bring All Those Endless Woodworking Reels To Life

10am-4pm | The ReCreators Green Space, 135 Chamberlain Rd, Massey | $$

I seriously do not even want to think about how many hours I’ve lost to Japanese woodworkers on YouTube Shorts. Is it embarrassing to admit that I, a grown man, watch YouTube Shorts?... Anyway, I hope my brain has osmotically absorbed all that craftsmanship, because The ReCreators (with the help of Auckland Council Waste Solutions) are putting on a workshop this Saturday where you can learn to build a beautiful bedside table and/or charcuterie board out of upcycled timber.

Get Tipsy Off 80 Tipples Of The Very Best Stuff

12.30-6.30pm | Brad’s Warehouse | $$$

The classiest way to get tipsy this Saturday afternoon? Sampling over 80 of New Zealand's finest wines at Brad's Warehouse. The Real Review just dropped their annual Top Wineries list with Felton Road taking the crown again, and now we have the chance to taste what all the fuss is about. Let me just practice that *I have no idea what I am doing, but I am pretending that I do* face a few times first.

Witness Some Woven Wearable Wonders

1-3pm | Great Hall, Kāhui St David’s, Grafton | Free

Image credit: PAPA | supplied

Another hall for you to visit amongst a weekend of good shit happening in big rooms—PAPA – Papatūānuku | Whakapapa returns this Saturday, transforming the Great Hall at Kāhui St David’s into a living runway of woven wearable art. Curated by Te Whaea Witika and Beronia Scott of Te Puāwai Raranga, this free event blends traditional Māori weaving with contemporary materials and bold artistic flavour. With the mahi of fifteen incredible artists on display, some pieces taking over a year to complete and tickets absolutely free (registration essential), the least you can do is to get down there and have a geeze.

Get Your Van Gogh Going With A Hit Of Caffeine

1.20-3.30pm |  Café Greenfingers, Remuera | $$

Image credit: Café Greenfinger's | Instagram

I'm always recommending a good paint and sip session for your weekend. But I suppose there's only so much amateur magic one can achieve with a canvas and some wine, and where does the line between drunk and savant really end? Let’s swap the mediums and see what happens: Petal & Posie x Café Greenfinger's Vase Paint & Sip is two wholesome hours of pretending wobbly brush strokes are "abstract" while painting a cute vase for those post-Sunday-market flowers. And yup, free coffee to properly fuel your creativity.

Join Phoebe For a Jazz-Inspired Japanese Dream

7pm-Late | Auckland Town Hall | $$

Image credit: Japanese Breakfast's Tour Photographers | Instagram

This just in: one of our hottest local acts around, Phoebe Rings, is set to join Japanese Breakfast for a gig of jazz-inspired dream pop proportions. And if you're not exactly sure of the science behind measuring a jazz-inspired dream pop proportion, then have a listen here and immediately proceed to cop your tickets. It’s another epic instalment in the Auckland Town Hall winter series.

Sunday 8 June

Make Some Money From All That Hoarding

10am-2pm | 30 Kitchener Street, Auckland Central | Free

Okay, so I don’t really think of myself as a hoarder. But my Mum, sister, girlfriend, best friend, best friend’s girlfriend, and just about anyone else I’ve shown my pre-2000s cat-themed saucers to, all disagree. And they’ve even gone so far as to recommend Auckland's ReUse Market at Victoria Street Car Park this Sunday, where I can pretend all my vintage collections were totally intentional and make a sweet buck or two.

Kick Cornflakes To The Curb

10am-12pm, Daily | Lebanese Grocer, Auckland Central | $

Image credit: Lebanese Grocer | Instagram

And it's hungry work selling all morning, so I'll definitely need some brunch. Enter: everyone’s favourite Lebanese Grocer, who is now waking up a touch earlier to serve, amongst other new delights, their tasty Jam Jibneh Toastie—AKA Your New Morning Obsession—featuring house-made Lebanese quince jam, a signature three-cheese blend, and Yola’s za’atar—GOODBYE cornflakes.

Get Your Mind Bent Inside A 40-Foot Shipping Container

'Til 8 June | Aotea Square | $

Image credit: DARKFIELD | Instagram

Boundary-pushing, sensory expedition DARKFIELD landed in Aotea Square a few weeks back, and if you haven't been down already, this is your last week. Set inside custom-built, pitch-black shipping containers utilising 360-degree binaural sound with special effects, SÉANCE and FLIGHT are two mind-bending, immersive experiences that will challenge your senses, exploring the depths of human psychology and perception.

All Weekend

Add Some Checks To Your Fit

11am-5pm | 235 Karangahape Road, Auckland Central | $-$$

Image credit: Checks | Instagram 

Like a uni student coming home for summer, your fave steeze-lords, Checks, are hanging around their old stomping ground for a month, so you should go say hey. They’ve popped up at 235 K’Road and are clearing out some recent season and archive drip, discounted samples, and a few unproduced items for the heads. Prices from 20 bucks. Nothing over a hundy.

All Hail PonsonBurger

Various Venues' Opening Hours | Ponsonby | $$

Image credit: Paul Menezes Creative | Instagram

I reckon burgers are one of an Urban Lister's favourite foods... and in any event, they're most certainly mine, and that's why the upcoming PonsonBurger festival is an absolutely essential addition to your calendar. This two-week annual event, running from 26 May to 8 June, will see more than 30 bars and eateries from around Ponsonby putting their very best burger creations on show. For more food news, follow your tastebuds here.

Set Your Weekend To Steamy

Various Show Times | The Civic, Auckland CBD | $$

Winter may be coming, but it's set to be bedazzled. And hella steamy. The hugely anticipated return of the Auckland Live Cabaret Festival is finally here, once again filling The Civic with a packed lineup that's sure to enchant. From a sexy-dangerous global cabaret/circus sensation, La Clique, to the supernatural pop concert-meets-dungeon nightclub Monster Songs, an interactive Disco Inferno and a whole lot more, including a secret champagne lounge (if you can find it). 

All that weekend planning left you hangry? Check out The Feed.

Main image credit: Auckland Live | supplied.

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